The Real Reason Perry Wants To Secede: Football

Governor Rick Perry has been pressing for Texas to secede from the nation. He might bitch about high taxes, but I think we all know the real reason he's pushing this idiotic movement.  How else can the Texas Longhorns win a national championship?

Sure, the Longhorns helped to devise the Big 12 ground rules that kept the Horns from playing for the Conference championship, which in turn kept them from playing for the national title. And sure, maybe if the Horns could have actually won a game when it mattered, or found some fashion in which to tackle Michael Crabtree instead of just letting him tiptoe down the sideline with time running out, none of this would have mattered. But that's not important.  What's important is that the Longhorns are whiny babies who were robbed of a national title that belongs to them.

And if the state does secede, then the Texas Longhorns will truly win the national title of Texas every year because who else is going to compete with them? The Aggies? Hah. Baylor? Rice? Tech? The Cougars? UTEP?  

But maybe it won't come to this. The secession thing, that is. Not if Texas Congressman Joe Barton (R -- Idiot) has anything to do with it. Because Representative Joe held some Congressional hearings last week on the BCS, and he stated that if the BCS didn't go to a playoff system within two months then he was going to shove through Congress a bill that would demand such, and which would be signed by the President.

Now I don't know if Barton's noticed, but there are some more pressing matters going on in the country -- unemployment, a tanking housing market, Wall Street crooks, a couple of wars, the destruction of the auto industry -- so I'm not quite sure that his two-month timetable is quite realistic. Also, despite his stated preference for a college playoff, I think that, unlike Representative Barton, President Obama actually recognizes that there are more important things to deal with this in this country than college football. (Plus there's that the whole thing about the Republicans being a minority party who are lucky to just get their bills through committee.)

Governor Perry has kind of shut up about the whole secession thing lately -- mainly because he's discovered that the U.S. government can provide him with things this state doesn't have, like flu medication -- but if Barton fails in his attempt to get his bill through Congress, then I'm sure the governor will start pressing the whole secession thing all over again.

Now for those of you wondering why Governor Perry, an Aggie, would push for an action that would benefit the Horns, well, the answer is really quite simple. After all, didn't you see how badly the Aggies had their asses kicked by Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas State, Arkansas State, and Miami? So I'm pretty sure he would get some kind of bill through that would prohibit the Aggies from playing football games against teams from foreign countries -- not that it would help the Aggies beat the Longhorns.

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