The Rockets' Shane Battier: A Man Who Should Never, Ever Sing In Public

Among the tortures the U.S. has inflicted on Gitmo detainees and Panamanian dictators, an old favorite is blasting music. But usually it's something like AC/DC.

You want to torture someone? Make them listen to Shane Battier sing.

Battier took the mike at a charity auction and -- for some reason -- the Rockets have put the results up online.

"Let's Get It On"? Let's get it off. As in offstage. Battier does more damage to Marvin Gaye than Gaye's father ever did.

We dare you to get through this whole thing.

And if that's not enough, here's "Sweet Caroline."

We can only hope the charity involved is a good one. Or, assuming the other possibility -- that this was a test of the latest enhanced interrogation tactics -- that our government uses it in only the direst of circumstances.

Like after Jack Bauer can't break a guy.

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