4

The Saddest, Dumbest Robbers

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A pair of criminal masterminds recently executed a daring daylight robbery -- of a 99-cent store.

Police are on the lookout for two black males carrying old Alf lunchboxes, soon-to-expire cans of pseudo-tuna, plastic spatulas, wads of crumbled dollar bills and boxes of detergent that looks like a name brand if you don't check it too closely.

Seriously, dudes, if the name of your targeted store is "Nothing Over 99 Cents," then your plan probably needs a little rethinking.

Compounding the brilliance, the two guys had apparently cased out the store that day before robbing it -- and wore "distinctive" footwear both times, making them easily identifiable.

They no doubt intended to leave business cards with their name and address, but hadn't picked them up yet from the Print-While-U-Wait store, which they also intended to then rob.

Call Crime Stoppers with any tips. Like, say, if the guy in the apartment next door is suddenly feasting on tins of plankton.

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Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.