The Secret Lives of the Hottest News Guys on Houston Television

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I am going to get totally sexist right about now and just talk about which male Houston news anchors and reporters are on my hot radar. Here's my take on the finest gentlemen of Bayou City's boob tube. Please be aware this is all completely fictional...it's just what I imagine the secret lives of Houston's hottest news guys to be like based on their looks and television demeanor.

And Mr. Dolcefino, you can stop looking. You're not on the list.

Vincente Arenas on Channel 11: Got in trouble all the time as a kid. Plays a game of grab ass with Lucy Noland from time to time. Has that weird little smirk that makes him so appealing, like he might put you on the back of his motorcycle and take you ridin' all night long.

David Paul on Channel 11: Mr. Schmoozer. The dude at the party who shoots the fake gun with his fingers and does a little wink. Mr. Beer Bong at the frat party. Not my type exactly but I could see how he could get some ladies' engines moving.

Greg Hurst on Channel 11: Dudley Do-Right. Captain of the football team. Brushes and flosses. Kisses on the second date but not before. Mommy like.

Len Cannon on Channel 11: Doesn't smoke but suave enough to light your cigarette for you if you do. Knows the hidden hot spots in town. Depends on Ron Trevino for a wing man. Sings jazz standards in the shower.

Art Rascon on Channel 13: Kinda smarmy but if you're real sweet he'll buy you drinks. Lives with his mom but says his mom lives with him (we're not buying it). Knows all the nice restaurants and can get the best tables, too. Avid reader of James Patterson for some weird reason.

Andy Cerota on Channel 13: Still gets carded. Super cute and funny, too. Great storyteller. Has a truckload of dirty jokes he likes to tell after a couple of Jack and Cokes. Stays up late and gets up early. If only I wasn't married.

Dave Ward on Channel 13: For the girls with a Daddy complex. `Nuff said.

Jeff Ehling on Channel 13: Jeff has had enough of the tramps in this town! Looking for a sensible girl who wants to settle down. Doesn't drink, smoke, or go to R rated movies. Mama's boy, but that comes with perks, too.

Owen Conflenti on Channel 2: Just the sweetest thing since sliced bread, obviously! Tender, kind, loves to listen to you prattle on. Recycles regularly and owns two golden retrievers named Woodward and Bernstein. Into the local farmer's market and brewing his own beer. Dee-lish.

Jerome Gray on Channel 2: Teddy bear and all-around great guy. Loves to give back rubs and is a stickler for good grammar. Never goes to bed angry. The quiet sensitive type for sure.

Stephen Dean on Channel 2: Total bad boy. TOTAL. Smokes Camel straights on set even though Bill Balleza has ratted him out like fifty times. Problem with commitment but irresistible regardless. Gets in bar fights regularly, the whole time screaming, "Not the face!"

-- Jennifer Mathieu

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