It's the end of 2009, and, ipso facto, Top-X-Number-slash-Best-Of lists are suddenly what's for dinner. Everyone's eager to take you on a trippy DeLorean ride back through the sands of the first decade of the century (or the last year of the decade, take your pick). Because, you know, the 2000s were, like, a 365-day bender times ten. In a strangely tattooed, memory-scraped, fond remembrance kind of way. After the psychotic scare of Y2K fizzled out, that is.
In the spirit of the season, we'd like to quantify, objectify, and drool over a few things, too. And in this era of white hot technology, where being a techie geek is a badge of honor, well, there are a few juicy gigayums that deserve special mention.
Yeah, we're talking about a celebration of man meat here. But it ain't only for the flesh-eaters out there. Pescetarians and wannabe vegetarians? Pull up a flip 'n fuck and make yourself at home at this party, too.
Beware: The following demeans and trivializes men for your viewing and reading pleasure. We didn't think you'd mind too much.
In no particular order, behold some of the most byte-worthy gentlemen doing the tech thing who just happen to call the great state of Texas home:
Dan Derozier Pensive, pretty, and a techie politico? We'll riot or rally with him anytime. An online campaign strategist for Net Victories, we'd gladly ride either the donkey or the elephant if it got us a one-on-one consultation with this shiny little button.
Bill Erickson Holy hell, does Bill Erickson ever make robbing the cradle acceptable behavior! Fresh outta the college coed years, this BIL founder and rising tech superstar has done more while he was still an egg than most of us will ever accomplish in a lifetime. 'Course, you gotta stop staring at his eyelashes long enough to find that out.
Konstantin Zak Don't write him off just 'cause he's an engi-nerd. The only lines that define this Erdos Miller veep are the rugged ones runnin' 'crost his chiseled face. Oh, and the lines he carves into mountains at Whistler, that is. We wonder how the wind looks blowing through that luscious hair. Probably not as good as our hands running through it.
Stormy Shippy Yes, dammit, that's his real fucking name. Although we're not sure what "emergent properties; process is fun" actually means, we'd let this Highform techie good-boy-about-town revolutionalize our margins in a heartbeat. We're also pretty sure those dimples forgive the fact that he's an unapologetic Dallas lover.
Travis Skweres Werkadoo, werka-who? Werka-YOU! After us, of course. If Werkadoo is where Travis Skweres gets werk done, then we'll werk him overtime to back up our hard drives, rawr. His entrepreneurial mojo and all-American guy handsomeness have us hoping he'll do to us exactly what his last name suggests.
Okay, we like beards. So sue us. Grizzly or no, this self-anointed "future shaping" tech consultant has an open invitation to give our keyboards a few good plonks.
We have no idea why the founder of 88 Spaces, Startup District, Conjunctured, and Texas Ventures is currently setting up shop in China, but we wish the Texas native would bring his dongle back to this warm CPU sooner rather than later.
Any man that describes himself as "exploiting his potential to the fullest in order to positively impact the world we live in" is welcome to fondle our server rack any time.
Claiming that he started in web design at the tender age of 12, he now trips our trigger with a strong desire to have him firmly implant software in our motherboard.
There's nothing Comic Sans-y about "font-o-holic" Aaron Baxter, a Houston-based graphic and web designer who really oughta spend more time filling the negative space on our canvas, ahem.
And we severely envy any mouse being clicked by those limbs, hubba hubba. Can you blame us for our eye path going right to his smudge stick?
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We're guessing that this "manimal" bearing the name of Thomas Marriott, like most beautiful creatures, can only be caught by laying a young virgin in his path.
Since we ain't got any of those, we'll settle for admiring this elusive startup impressario's divinity from afar. 165 miles afar, to be exact.
Seriously, all this wholesome hotness is for the birds. Colin Anawaty is tall, dark, and techsome with a jungle of wily chest hair. He also happens to have founder credentials of such startups entitled Plerts and Saltlick Labs. Take whatever bits Colin's a-lickin' and combine 'em with daydreams of him vehemently a-clickin' our mouse buttons, and we're all finished downloading, thank you very much.