The Ultimate Menu For Your Texas-Alabama Viewing Party

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

The BCS Championship is tonight. Have you made all your viewing-party plans?

Any good viewing party needs a menu that supports the local team. If you're a fan of good college football, it's understandable that you might not be too familiar with the University of Texas Longhorns.

Not to worry!! We've got a five-course menu tied to All Things Longhorn.

1. Some John Mackovic wine for openers.
Relive those golden days of getting beat in Austin 66-3 by a wussy team like UCLA by elegantly sipping some delicate vintages carefully chosen by noted wine connoisseur John Mackovic, who made the `90s a glorious time to hate the Horns. Perfectly fitting in with the image of nouveau riche "classiness" of well-off suburban UT alums, Mackovic eschewed the CFS & BBQ whooping of lesser Horn followers. He also eschewed the type of successful records UT had come to expect. Apparently he didn't trust the Champagne choices he knew he'd have to endure.

2. Hors d'oeurves? Try a little "Meat on the Hoof."
Sure, you could just call your franks-in-a-blanket "Meat on the Hoof," in honor of the classic insider's look at UT football in the 1960s, when they could award all the scholarships they wanted to and run off anyone who didn't make the grade. Trouble is, in honor of that era, the hors d'oeurves would have to be all white meat, since UT didn't get around to having any "dark meat" on the varsity roster until the 1970s. So, in keeping with the classy Mackovic mode for the moment, make your hors d'oeurves choice some vol-au-vent. To which John Mackovic would probably say "But that's chicken. And chicken don't have hooves." Screw it, John. It's white meat. Leave the aggie stuff to the Aggies.

3. Then, some tortillas.
You know, like they throw on the field at Texas Tech. Like when they beat UT to ruin the Horns' BCS chances. Those kind of tortillas.

4. Now, retire to the back room for some drugs to whet the palate for the main course.
You can have two choices: The Bevo Cocktail or the Player's Special. The first gets you the potent mix of sedatives that keeps Bevo docile during the games, even though the Jumbotron is louder than U2 (crowd noise itself is usually never a problem). Most folks, though, prefer the latter, which features a wide array of illegal substances, all related to arrests of UT players in the Mack Brown era.

5. The main course: bologna sandwiches.
Just like they serve in the Travis County Jail. It'll almost make you feel like a Longhorn.

We don't know if you'd be up for dessert at this point. We hear Ricky Williams has some killer brownie recipes.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.