This TV Will Eat Your Baby

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There is nothing more horrifying than a world without TV, and that’s just what the National Association of Broadcasters hope to drive home this weekend, when they roll a 20-foot TV through the streets of Houston. Dubbed the DTV Trekker, the behemoth has been loosed upon the world to remind people that TV stations must switch to digital-only broadcasting by Feb. 19, 2009. The first stop will be at Traders Village, 7979 Eldridge Rd., from 9 a.m. to dusk. Yes, dusk.

In Texas, 21 percent of TV owners are without cable, depending solely on free analog broadcasts. If these poor bastards don’t buy a new TV or get a digital converter in the next two years, they will be stuck in a hellish netherworld devoid of B-list-starfucker reality shows and CSI:Clear Lake. So, like the 2001 Monolith that turned savage cave-dwellers into sullen space dudes, the DTV Trekker should transform Analog Man to Digital Man. “Consumers need to learn about the steps they can take to upgrade to digital before it’s too late,” said Jonathan Collegio, vice president of the DTV transition unit at the NAB, in a release.

If those 21 percent don’t act, and fast, it might lead to an apocalyptic nightmare a great scientist of yore once prophesied as human sacrifice and dogs and cats living together. We can’t have that. Behold the DTV Trekker when it comes to town. Kneel before it and heed its call. The very future of our world depends on you. And the Gilmore Girls look hotter in digital, anyway. – Craig Malisow

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.