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Today Is Baylor Day In Houston. Act Accordingly

Things you probably didn't know: Today is Baylor Day in Houston -- with a fancy proclamation and everything.

It all has to do with the Texas Bowl, in which Baylor is making its return to post-season football after a long absence. (If you're aware of how difficult it is not to make college football's post-season, that absence is a significant accomplishment.)

Former Governor Mark White will present the honors at the tailgate party this afternoon.

So, Houstonians, how does one behave on Baylor day?

5. Worship Ken Starr Sure, most of us think of Ken Starr as the fanatically partisan prosecutor who blindly danced to the orders of Tom DeLay's right-wing chorus in his long, expensive and fruitless investigation into every two-bit conspiracy theory against Bill Clinton.

Not today, though.

Today Ken Starr is a noble president of a respected institution of higher learning.

Tomorrow you can go back to thinking of him masturbating to tales of Monica Lewinsky and cigars.

4. Thou Shalt Not Dance We all know Baylor has grown into a modern, space-age college and is no longer shackled by the repressive Baptist beliefs under which it began. So, with a nod not only to the school's flexibility but the inherent funk factor of its student body, this commandment has been modified to Thou Shalt Not Dance Well.

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So Houston, today only limit yourself to wedding-reception level move-busting.

3. Drink Privately In the comfort of your own home, where God can't see you, apparently.

2. Delude yourself that you're a big-time football program UH alumni should find this easy to do.

1. Pretend for just one night that you're in Downtown Waco and go wild. But be home by 10.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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