Compared to the best Big 12 gridiron match-ups of 2011, these stink bombs make us want to reschedule our college-football recordings to international cricket.
Texas Tech is on here because year after year, they have proven that they are the biggest pussies in terms of non-conference scheduling. Kansas, meanwhile, should just discontinue football so that more money can be pumped into its basketball program.
If you do decide to watch any of these games, may we surmise that there's something serious wrong with you?
5. Texas vs. Rice, September 3 This one makes the list because Texas is guaranteed an undefeated start to its season, which will cause Longhorn foolios to proclaim that their team is "back." Hint: Y'all ain't going to be back for a while.
Suggested alternative: Eat a half-pound beef burger in College Station.
4. Kansas vs. Kansas State, October 22 Some local Kansas journalist will certainly label this in-state tussle as super important for the KU-K-State recruiting battle. Um, recruiting what? The inside track on finishing ninth instead of tenth?
Suggested alternative: Plan for your post-hurricane vacation.
Just like USC, except without the "good."
Suggested alternative: Scuba dive for space junk.
2. Texas Tech at New Mexico, September 17 We bet some joker in Lubbock is applauding the Red Raiders' fortitude to go on the road as part of the non-conference slate. Thing is, New Mexico, who has won two bloody games in two seasons, is one of the worst teams ever assembled. But what should we expect from a program that has gone out of its way to play North Dakota, Weber State, Sam Houston State, Indiana State and Northwestern State. What a stupid game this will be.
Suggested alternative: Punch yourself in the face.
1. Kansas vs. McNeese State, September 3 It's going to rule if Kansas loses to another FCS team like they did last season against North Dakota State, 6-3. Even if they do, we sure as hell aren't going to witness it.
Suggested alternative: Quit watching football forever.
Honorable mention: *Missouri vs. Western Illinois, September 17
*Texas A&M vs. Idaho, September 17
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*The entire history of Kansas' football program, from present to world's end
*Texas after the October 8 Red River Rivalry loss that will jumpstart the Horns to another losing season