Top Five Things to Do in Houston Sports This Weekend: Dirt, Clay, Mud and Cheerleaders

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TGIF, my children. It's time to rev up the weekend and get yo butts in gear. You may want to lie around on your couch watching the Final Four or spend some time absorbing "culture" at a "museum." I say blow all that crap out of the water with an ass-kicking good time like any red-blooded American. How, you ask? With sports, my good men/women.

Oh, and there is plenty to be excited about this weekend, and, strangely, much of it involves soil of one kind or another. Some of it is of the spectator variety and other events will let you shake your groove thangs, yeah yeah.

Saddle up, buckos. It's time for the top five things do to in Houston sports for the first weekend in April.

5. Memorial Hermann Ironman 70.3 Texas Saturday, 10 a.m.

Moody Gardens 1 Hope Blvd. Galveston, Texas 77554 Event Website

If you were thinking about participating in this event, it's too late, buster. The thing is sold out. But the sheer spectacle of seeing people swim 1.2 miles in Offats Bayou, ride a 56-mile bike course in the brutal Gulf wind and run another 13.1 miles sounds pretty damn incredible. When I first read it, I figured I could do it, but then I realized the numbers weren't minutes but miles. I was thinking, "Oh, hell, I can swim, ride and run for a little over an hour." Miles? HA HA HA!!!

4. Muddy Trails Bash Saturday, 3 p.m.

Rob Fleming Park 6055 Creekside Forest Dr. The Woodlands, Texas 77389 Event Website

This event sounds more my speed. While the run isn't muddy -- unless it rains, and that seems unlikely -- the reason it's called the Muddy Trails Bash is that at the end you get a big heaping pile of crawfish as your after-run dinner. They have three different courses: 10k, 5k and 2k (for you and your dog). There will be live music and a mess o' mudbugs. I bet there will be beer around, too. Mmmmm...beer.

3. Men's Clay Court Championships All Weekend (and going into next week)

River Oaks Country Club 1600 River Oaks Blvd. Houston, Texas 77019 mensclaycourt.com

The qualifying rounds of the Men's Clay Court Championships are this weekend and the best part is the qualifiers are free. Tennis is actually pretty fun to see live. I went to this event a number of years ago when it was held out at Westside and it was enjoyable. Granted, the names on the player list aren't terribly impressive, this not being a huge event and held on clay, the surface that's liked by only a handful of players and the French. But it's fast paced and you get to hang at the River Oaks Country Club, something you probably couldn't do otherwise, peasant.

2. Monster Energy Supercross Saturday, 7 p.m.

Reliant Stadium 1 Reliant Park Houston, Texas 77054 supercrossonline.com

When I was a kid, I wanted a dirt bike...bad. I wanted one because, every once in a while, there would be so little on TV on the weekend that some network would air a motorcross like the Supercross that's being held at Reliant this weekend. This was back before there were 10 million cable channels, and when I saw dudes flying through the air on motorcycles, my jaw dropped. Then I got older and realized I'd probably put my eye out...or maybe my spleen...and I came back down to earth. But what I failed to do, these crazy bastards will accomplish and more.

1. Houston Texans Cheerleader Tryouts Saturday, 5 p.m.

Methodist Training Center at Reliant Park 8335 Lantern Point Dr. Houston, Texas 77054 houstontexans.com

It's the ultimate spectator sport. Unfortunately, it isn't open to the public unless you are a potential cheerleader and, hey, good for you. But my guess is there will be more than a few slideshows of the lovely attendees (like this one from us last year!) and their moves as they try to join the elite squad of sideline hotties every Sunday next fall.

Additional Goings-On:

Houston Astros vs. Oakland A's Friday, 7 p.m., Saturday, 6 p.m. and Sunday, 1 p.m. Minute Maid Park

The Astros welcome now division rivals Oakland to Houston for a three-game series at the juicebox. The A's are the early favorites to win the division and the Astros are the early favorite to break the single-season team strikeout record.

Houston Aeros vs. Chicago Wolves, Houston Aeros vs. Hamilton Bulldogs Friday, 7 p.m., Sunday, 5 p.m. Toyota Center

The Aeros' lease at Toyota Center runs out this month and if they are unable to come to an agreement with the Rockets on an extension, they could be moving to Des Moines, leaving Houston hockey-less once again. Take this opportunity to catch some professional hockey -- minor league or otherwise -- in Houston, perhaps the last time you'll get a chance for a while.

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