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Keep Houston Press Free
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Top Ten Hurricane Tips

With Tropical Storm Edouard scheduled to make landfall Tuesday morning, we at the

Houston Press

want to make sure everyone takes the necessary precautions. Although hurricane preparedness lists are available elsewhere, some are woefully lacking. Keep these tips in mind for maximum safety.

1. Siphon as much gas as possible from neighbors’ vehicles. (Not applicable for neighbors of Joe Horn).

2. Make sure you have plenty of canned goods. These can be used to build cool forts.

3. Even though he’s retired, make sure you have Dr. Neil Frank’s number in your cell.

4. If you live with any senior citizens, get rid of them. They’re dead weight.

5. Remove all loose objects from the backyard and put them in the front yard.

6. Fill your bathtub with water for cleaning and make sure to have at least one gallon of drinking water per person per day. (Note: if this is not possible, substitute water with malt liquor)

7. Make sure to have at least one of the following: can opener, flashlight, battery-operated radio, cell phone, first aid kit, Mr. Potato Head, sleeping bag, lighter, blanket, enormous sombrero, tool kit, hand sanitizer, Chia Pet, toilet paper, crowbar, 1992 Topps Brad Ausmus rookie card, utility knife, ice chest, steely glint of determination.

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Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

8. Replace usual coffee with Folger’s Crystals

9. Consult the Houston Press Night & Day section for a list of the week’s most exciting goings-on in art and entertainment.

10. Panic.

-- Craig Malisow

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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