Tortured Dogs Speak Out: "Please Stop Dressing Us Up"

Halloween used to be a holiday for innocent kids to dress up in truly cute costumes. Then it became a holiday for women to dress up in sexy costumes, and men to dress up in whatever costumes would most likely result in them hooking up with a tipsy Sexy Nurse.

And now, of course, it is also a holiday where people feel the need to dress up defenseless dogs.

They did it last night at the Hotel Derek, in an event called Howl-a-ween, to benefit Citizens for Animal Protection. Yet these citizens, supposedly concerned with protecting animals, subjected their pets to the following outrages.

What did the dogs have to say about it? We gathered some quotes.

"Shoot me now. Right between the eyes. NOW, you bastard, before any of my kids sees me."
"I'm a BANANA?!?! A fucking banana?! Jesus Christ, lady, just wait until I get my teeth on those friggin' shoes you got in your closet. We'll see how cute you think I am after I make them Jimmy Chews, you heartless trollop."

"Oh, go ahead -- laugh. We'll see how funny you think it is while you're picking your teeth up off the floor, wiseguy. And when I'm done with you, Little Miss Owner's gonna get a piece of me, too."

"Hellloooo, shailor!! I'm on my fourth appletini right now....Don't you loooove this outfit? You're not sure what it is? Well, big boy, why don't you try taking it off and see what happens...Where are you going?! My breath DOES NOT smell like a singles bar at 2 a.m.!!!!"

"They do have the sound system set up, right? Which Barbra Streisand song should I lip-synch to? 'I'm the Greatest Star'? Do they have that?"

"I, of course, console myself with the words of Carl Jung: 'Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.' But Good Christ, this is more than a dog should ever have to bear."

"I get it, dude: I attract the ladies, you take `em home. You think this is fair? You get laid and I get laughed at? When the revolution comes, dude -- and it will -- you better start saying your prayers, hot stuff."

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