^
Keep Houston Press Free
4

Tunnel Mole Finds Underground Economy Getting Nervous

They say you haven't made it 'til you've been on YouTube, or had a crazed fan kill themselves in front of one of your houses, but I am disconsolate to admit that apparently, I've made it. No deaths, thankfully. Somehow, some freakin' idiot put me up

on the Internets

.

Keep in mind if I'd known I was being filmed, those nose hairs would have been clipped before I set paw in the tunnel! And don't worry; I escaped. Nothin's gonna keep this mole trapped for long. Not even this contraption, sent to me by a purported friend.

If you want to trap a Tunnel Mole, try a Punkin Spiced Latte. That's what I was getting underneath the old Pennzoil Building today, and noticed that the customer base was a little light on the energy-company employees. Are they working harder than ever, way up high in their cubicles, forgoing caffeine and poising to pull the trigger on high-priced petroleum products?

When IS that shoe gonna drop? We like the dollar being stronger when oil gets weaker, but we sure miss all the Khakis and Polo shirts in line at the Starbucks. (And you should see what the men wear!)

Anyways, Hair Balls had dispatched me to the tunnel "to see what businesses have closed." No one gets an expense account for coffee, or even danger pay, despite the creation and implementation of special traps -- discriminatory traps, at that.

And a quick survey saw five or six businesses shuttered. Not a depression, but not a great sign either.

So why have these various businesses closed? Are they pissed off about paying under $2 a gallon for gas, or perhaps they are making a political statement: "We ain't workin' 'til Obama is impeached. America deserves a president that is incompetent and war-hungry!!"

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

We saw the abandoned space across from one of the dentists in the tunnel, but can't remember what was there to begin with. Maybe that's why it closed.

Take heart, O ye of little faith. Like Dubya said after 9/11, "go shopping!" Only do it in the Downtown Houston Tunnel System. This blip in crude oil's meteoric rise -- $56.16 a barrel today, one-third of the peak reached last summer, and much cheaper than the equivalent in Punkin Spiced Latte! -- won't last long.

The group of petroleum-connected Repubs we partied with (where I was truly a mole) on Election Night predicted $200 a barrel within a couple years.

-- Tunnel Mole

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.