Twilight Eclipse: Five Questions From A Newbie

Tonight, at midnight, it begins. Another round of Twilight madness.

Teens, tweens, moms who are the female equivalents of old dudes going to Hannah Montana movies, all will be there. For the premiere of Twilight: Calypso.

Set in the bouncy Caribbean and featuring a jaunty soundtrack highlighted by The Bravery's take on "Day O (The Banana Boat Song)", Twilight: Calypso promises fun in the sun for --

Sorry, our bad. It's Twilight: Eclipse, we are now reliably informed. And it doesn't take place in the Caribbean, it takes place in Seattle, as played by Vancouver.

We got some questions.

1. Why is it all about Bella?
Here's the opening sentence to the official plot description, released last year for all those fans who love the movie series yet don't read the books:

As Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge, Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger.

Bella is surrounded by danger? Just Bella? What about the rest of Seattle? Are they perfectly fine with a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire, as long as the coffee's good?

2. Why does this plot summary sound like the opening to a Henny Youngman joke?
From wikipedia, so you know it's right:

In Eclipse, Bella agrees to marry Edward on the condition he will make love to her while she is still human.

Better do it before you get married, then!!! Amirite, fellas, or am I right?

3. Wait a second -- This whole "Team Edward vs. Team Jacob" thing is over these two guys?

Dude on the right definitely saves money when it comes to lens sizes for his sunglasses, and as for the guy on the left......

This guy wasn't available?

4. What's with the trajectory on directors for this film series?
The first film was directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who had directed the incisive Thirteen; the second movie was directed by Chris Weitz, who had directed the Chris Rock alleged comedy Down to Earth; the current movie is directed by David Slade, who has directed music videos for System of a Down. Next up: Bill Condon, who directed Dreamgirls!! So expect an all-singing, all-dancing vampire vs. werewolf extravaganza!! And I am telling you I'm not biting!!

5. How many more of these things are coming?
There are only four books in the Twilight series. They've sold over 100 million copies and have been translated into 38 languages, so we assume author Stephanie Meyer is satisfied and has made enough money to retire. Likewise, we assume Hollywood would not want to beat a dead horse and will say "Four -- that about does it for us," as opposed to milking the thing to death.

So enjoy tonight's midnight premiere, fans: You may have only one more to go!

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