UFOs, as all perceptive scientists know, do most of the F-ing in the rural portions of the world. Something about supple farmer ass just begs for an anal probe, we guess. We don't judge.
Here in Texas, the western part of the state gets its fair share of UFO claims, but we prefer the East Texas kind.
And if you're talking East Texas UFO's, you're mostly talking KLTV news.
5. Hyperspeed "The UFO was going so crazy that they had to move the camera just to keep up with its movement," the reporter intones. Yeah, some people have to do the same thing with their 85-year-old grandmother.
4. Is It an Exclusive if No One Else Wants It? "Over the years we've shown you video and snapshots of flying objects that East Texans think are out of this world. But new tonight, KLTV 7 has made contact with a woman claiming to have been up close with beings from outer space. Now, the woman who lives here in East Texas but was born in England says no matter where she moved in life, the aliens followed. In a KLTV 7 exclusive tonight...."
Oh, we bet it was an exclusive.
3. KLTV OWNS This Beat "For just a minute you can see something, a flash, and then it's gone." Check out this thrilling report of phone-camera footage.
2. Breaking News, Seven Decades Later
1. He Won't Go Public with It, But We Will A "skywatcher" doesn't want his name attached anywhere to this report, but the footage is (apparently) compelling enough to do the job on its own.