Update: Judge Sheri Dean didn't spring Michael Brown from jail today after hearing from Rachel Brown's attorneys, as well as another attorney Dean personally assigned as an administrative judge, that Brown hasn't paid attorneys' fees as ordered. However, he has another jail review hearing April 4. If Brown can show that he's substantially complied with Judge Dean's orders, she could potentially release him early and suspend the balance of his 180-day sentence.
Michael "Simply Give Him His Ten Minutes of Pleasure" Brown has asked a judge to spring him from his six-month Harris County Jail sentence because he allegedly contracted E. coli and because every day in jail for him will hurt his estranged wife and children financially.
Yeah, it makes about as much sense the thousandth time you read it, too.
The motion doesn't explain how Brown supposedly contracted the dreadful bug, only that he has "suffered severe physical side effects as a result. It is important to his physical health that he be released and allowed to pursue private medical attention to address any medical concerns that may still exist as a result of his custody in the Harris County Jail. (For the record, we heard that E. coli stings like a bitch -- like, imagine getting your face bashed in by a broken bedpost after being dragged up the stairs by your hair with such force that the hair comes out in clumps by the roots. Yeah, it's even worse than that!)
Family Court Judge Sheri Dean sentenced the ex-surgeon to 180 days in jail for multiple violations of a court order regulating his spending abilities during his never-ending divorce proceeding with Rachel Brown.
Brown also asserts that his "companies are facing devastating consequences each passing day" and he could better stop the hemorrhaging if he could only get out and help his new "chief restructuring officer," David Grange.
"If [Brown] is not released from custody, there will be irreparable harm and devastation" to Brown, Rachel and their kids. (Yeah, 'cause everything up till now has been freakin' awesome for them.)
A hearing is scheduled in Dean's court at 1 p.m. Monday, March 25.
We left a message for Brown's attorney, John Nichols, who's probably really embarrassed over filing this turkey, but hey -- the client's always right, no? We'll update if and when we hear back.
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