We know, we know -- Beyoncé was able to gather a who's who of the Houston music scene for an "I Been On" remix.
But Bey can't put together a Houston team like Mayor Annise Parker can.
For years (we're assuming) the world has been clamoring for two H-town giants to get together -- two men who have street cred out the wazoo, two guys that kids everywhere around here look up to.
Two cutting-edge artists who know all about such esoteric high-tech stuff as "blogs" (they're sorta like diaries written on your computer).
The two men? Rapper Bun B and...Clyde Peterson? The man who, for more than 40 years, drew editorial cartoons for the Houston Chronicle?
If there's one thing the kidz are "jonesing for" these days, it's the delicate rapier wit and the "singe don't burn" philosophy that is demonstrated in the finest editorial cartoons about overruns on capital improvement projects.
They said these two would never work together -- rumors of an ugly feud involving Biggie Smalls and Tupac are muttered about -- but apparently Mayor Parker was able to convince the legends to put aside beef and sup instead on the subtly fulfilling tastes of brotherhood.
Only one cause could unite these men, however. Even Annise "Nobel Peace Prize" Parker would be working in vain if she had tried to get CP & Bun to bury the hatchet, the Glocks, the disses delivered via mixtape and savage cartoon, and all the memories of their feud's bloodsoaked body count, if the cause was not important enough.
Luckily, the cause was.
Sickle-cell and AIDS? Black-on-black violence? Editorial-cartoonist-on-editorial-cartoonist-violence?
No. While those issues are no doubt pressing, they pale when compared to the mantle that these giants will take on, the battle they have set themselves to fight together.
That cause? Texting while driving. Something, no doubt, that Mother Teresa would have taken on if she had the guts.
Parker's office has announced that Peterson and Bun B will appear -- TOGETHER -- onstage this morning "to Unveil Local No Texting While Driving Campaign," as the headline on the release says.
A historical marker will be placed on the site immediately after the event is finished.
UPDATED -- Despite possibly palpable tension as thick as a knife, the ceremony went off this morning without gunfire.
But -- Although Bun B was mentioned in the official release on matter (barely, to be sure: "Several entities, including the Houston Texans, Dynamo, Rockets, Comcast and AT&T U-verse have agreed to broadcast a public service announcement featuring Mayor Parker and rapper Bun B," it says.)
Even more shocking was the official list of "Confirmed Task Force Members." It read:
Mayor Annise Parker
Council Member Jerry Davis, District B
Council Member Jack Christie, At-Large 5
HISD -- Dr. Terry Grier, Superintendent
Aldine ISD -- Dr. Wanda Bamberg, Superintendent
Spring Branch ISD -- Dr. Duncan Klussman, Superintendent
Clear Creek ISD -- Dr. Greg Smith, Superintendent
Katy ISD -- Alton Frailey, Superintendent
Galena Park ISD -- Angi Williams, Superintendent
Deer Park ISD -- Dr. Arnold Adair, Superintendent
Alief ISD -- H.D. Chambers, Superintendent
Sheriff Adrian Garcia
AT&T -- Alice Aanstoos
Comcast -- Ray Purser
HAR -- Dana Kervin
TSU -- Dr. Rudley, President
St. Thomas -- Dr. Ivany, President
Rice -- Dr. Leebron, President
Texas Medical Center -- Dr. Robbins, President
Interfaith Ministries -- Elliot Gershenson, CEO
GHP -- Arthur Brand
Univision -- Grace Olivares
CenterPoint -- Mark Kollmorgen
Public Safety Advisory Committee -- Dr. Vern Swisher, Chair
Houston Contractors Association -- Richard Peltier, President
AFL-CIO -- Richard Shaw
METRO -- Russ Frank
HLS&R -- Steve Stevens, Chair
Police Chief Charles McClelland
Fire Chief Terry Garrison
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Understandably, you'll want to take your time and wallow in the luxuriousness of such names. But as you do, notice one name missing from the list -- Bun B. Oh, Clyde Peterson makes the list, all right, in the ultra-prestigious last position, the one people fight for, where he's drafting off the supernova popularity of Fire Chief Terry Garrison.
But Bun B? Nowhere to be found.
Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong, people.