Not just cigarettes

Warning Labels: Six More That Are Desperately Needed

So the U.S. Federal Drug Administration does nothing to monitor the

financial conflicts of interest of researchers who run clinical trials on human test subjects;

can't adequately inspect

foreign manufacturing plants

; and has allowed eggs and peanuts to become lethal fricking weapons. But if you thought the FDA's greatest strengths were issuing stern, inevitably ignored warning letters and/or waiting for people to die before ordering recalls....well, you're still right.

However, the FDA's next-greatest strength, thanks to new powers bestowed by Congress, is to slap really graphic warning labels on cigarette packs. Now all those kids who are constantly bombarded by tobacco commercials on TV and online won't be so easily suckered! Or something.

But where will we be without Nanny to warn of us the dangers of other popular products? How will we know when or if it's safe to light our hair on fire? Is this year's best Christmas gift really Baby's First Taser? Who knows? Don't worry, little-minded little ones, Hair Balls is here to tell you how to live forever.

6. The Literature Warning

5. The Texans Warning

4. Cruise Control

3. For the border

2. Dangerous Disney

1. Too little, too late

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