There are very few people that I would root for to get arrested and then be publicly shamed on the internet by having TMZ leak their interrogation video to the entire world. VERY few. But make no mistake, Warren Sapp is one of those people.
The Hall of Fame former defensive tackle who, up until the incident for which police are questioning him in this post, was working for the NFL Network as an analyst, has a reputation behind the scenes that ranges anywhere from annoying to diva to chronic mistreater of other human beings.
So when Sapp was popped for two counts of assault and another count of solicitation of a prostitute at this year's Super Bowl, I figured this was just karma evening life's scoreboard for years of Sapp treating non-football players like fecal waste.
In other words, what comes around goes around.
Little did I know that the good folks at TMZ Sports would be able to unearth Sapp's Q&A with Phoenix police that fateful night. (How dare I doubt TMZ ever??) Not only does the footage serve the purpose of further embarrassing Sapp, but Sapp himself serves the purpose of retelling the exact story of what occurred between him and two hookers!
Here's the first video, in which Sapp shares the story of the encounter with a female police officer in the same tone that he would tell it to one of his boys...
The highlights of this first video:
1:16 -- Sapp describes the agreement between the three of them. One of the hookers said $200, the other said $300, so Sapp just went ahead and put $600 on the table. What a shrewd negotiator!
1:30 -- Sapp takes pictures of girls while they're sexing him because he is "silly like that." That is silly, Warren. TOTES SILLY.
1:42 -- Apparently, while one hooker was performing oral on him, the other one was talking in his ear. And not dirty talking, but like current events, what's on her iPhone, Two Broke Girls, shit like that. This made Warren mad. Seeing as he had just paid that woman $300, I'd be kind of angry, too.
2:10 -- The issues started when Sapp got greedy and tried to parlay the oral into actual intercourse and the hooker still working with him asked for a "tip". To quote George Costanza, Sapp flew too close the sun on the wings of pastrami.
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SHOW ME HOW
Now, this second video is fairly repetitive, but worth watching from beginning to end, mostly because the entire thing is Sapp in the questioning room by himself agonizing over the fact that he's about to go to jail. Here you go....
There's a reason Sapp lost his NFL Network gig over this incident -- he sucks on television. So kudos to Sapp for these two videos, easily his most entertaining appearance on video in years. He's silly like that!