We Don't Need Another Hero, If They're Going To Be Like This Guy

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Houston, we have a Hero in our midst. He, like most heroes, is disarmingly modest about his Death-Defying Exploits.

But despite his best efforts, he has become nationally known.

Tedd Petruna is, according to Talking Points Memo, a diver for NASA here in Houston. He also saved an AirTrans jet from certain Jihad destruction, according to an e-mail he sent to friends that was never intended to be public but got picked up by right-wing blogs.

According to the memo, Petruna got on a plane last month, some noisy Muslims were talking to each other on cell phones, and then things really started getting suspicious. As his e-mail puts it:

The 2nd man who answered the phone did the same and this took out the 2nd stewardess. In the back of the plane at this time, 2 younger Muslims, one in the back, isle, and one in front of him, window, began to show footage of a porno they had taped the night before, and were very loud about it. Now....they are only permitted to do this prior to Jihad. If a Muslim man goes into a strip club, he has to view the woman via mirror with his back to her. (don't ask me....I don't make the rules, but I've studied) The 3rd stewardess informed them that they were not to have electronic devices on at this time. To which one of the men said "shut up infidel dog!" She went to take the camcorder and he began to scream in her face in Arabic.

As you can well imagine, a Hero doesn't take things like that lying down.

At that exact moment, all 11 of them got up and started to walk the cabin. This is where I had had enough! I got up and started to the back where I heard a voice behind me from another Texan twice my size say "I got your back." I grabbed the man who had been on the phone by the arm and said "you WILL go sit down or you Will be thrown from this plane!" As I "led" him around me to take his seat, the fellow Texan grabbed him by the back of his neck and his waist and headed out with him. I then grabbed the 2nd man and said, "You WILL do the same!" He protested but adrenaline was flowing now and he was going to go.

As I escorted him forward the plane doors open and 3 TSA agents and 4 police officers entered. Me and my new Texan friend were told to cease and desist for they had this under control.

Some brief problems: Pretty much no one -- AirTrans, the TSA, fellow passengers -- agrees with Petruna about events. There was some tension about passengers (Even Arab-looking ones!!) not turning off their cell phones, and the flight returned to the gate and was delayed. But the passengers involved were allowed back on board. It was all unusual, to be sure, but hardly the scene Petruna described.

The fact that the airline and law-enforcement officials don't agree with Petruna just speaks to his awesome ninja skill. Although how the TSA isn't aware that it stormed the plane and took people into custody is puzzling to us non-ninjas.

Petruna isn't commenting anymore about all this after talking briefly to KHOU, sad to say.

But we'd like to read his other e-mails:

Sometime in 1944: "I got everyone as ready as I could. I even showed them how to make sticky bombs to attach to the tanks with their socks and some axle grease. (For crying out loud, it's in the Field Manual.) Yeah, I took a bullet, but I had only this to say to young Private Ryan: 'Earn this.' "

Christmas, 1988: "I had to go to my wife's office party in some LA office tower. Some buncha Eurotrash decided to take the law in their own hands. I know a little something about that too, luckily. Here's a tip for you sniveling desk jockeys if you ever get in the same situation: Bring a spare pair of shoes. Yippi-ki-yay, motherfuckers."

Near future, a city that looks a lot like New York: "Some Joker -- no, really, that's what he called himself -- decided to go on a little crime spree. I decided to go on a little anti-crime spree. Case closed. Hey, don't forward this e-mail to anyone, no matter what you do."

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