You know, I really get tired of being Mr. Negative. Of being the one telling you the emperor has no clothes. I want to write nice things. I want to rave about the local team heading to the playoffs. I really do – and for anyone who doubt I can write nice things, please read my Houston Aeros coverage.
But just as Dane Cook is an annoying ass. Just as George Bush continues to misunderestimate his ability to destroy the English language. Just as no college is more overrated than Notre Dame. I’ve got to write things as I see it.
And the way I see it is, the Texans suck.
Oh, the Texans more than just suck. The Texans are beyond suckitude. The Texans lost to the Falcons, and should’ve lost to the Dolphins.
Sure, the Texans only lost by 38-36 yesterday. Sure, the Titans needed a last-second field goal from Rob Bironas (his NFL record setting eighth field goal) to win the game. Okay, I’m sure all of you are going to preach to me about moral victories. About never giving up. About heart.
Know what? Screw moral victories. Screw heart. The score after three quarters yesterday was 32-7. The Titans scored ten times. TEN TIMES. Ten times out of 16 possessions. They fumbled twice. They punted four times. The other ten times? The other ten times the Titans scored.
Let me repeat that. The Titans scored ten times. The Titans controlled the clock, possessing the football for 36:43 of the game. And they scored ten times. Ten times out of 16 possessions, the Titans scored.
The Texans had the ball 15 times. They scored on four – the fifth came on a fumble recovery. The Texans threw three interceptions. They lost the ball three times on fumbles. They punted five times.
That’s not very impressive.
But, but, but…They scored 29 points in the fourth quarter.
They lost. They got some really lucky breaks. The Titans went into the prevent defense. There was the lucky break on the on-side kick. There was that incredible catch by Andre Davis on the go-ahead touchdown.
But let’s look at some other things.
Can anyone tell me if Gary Kubiak’s won a challenge yet this season? Is there anybody up in the press box advising him on whether to challenge the call? Does he listen to that person?
Does anyone know if Mario Williams suited up yesterday? And does anyone know why Demarcus Faggins continues to suit up? Does the defense know that Kerry Collins played QB for the Titans yesterday? Kerry Collins? The guy’s not exactly Vince Young, yet he was rarely threatened as he sat back in the pocket, looking for whichever receiver Faggins was failing to cover. I wonder if DeMeco Ryans is going to be putting in for hazard pay anytime soon. Can you imagine how bad this defense would be if he wasn’t around? And has anyone seen the Texan running game?
Speaking of the running game and people named Williams, I hear that Ricky Williams is once again looking to be reinstated. I wonder if Kubiak has put in a call to his agent, especially since yesterday’s running attack was more like surrender instead of an attack. I know, the Texans won’t call Ricky Williams because they only want people of high moral character. http://theclownvisionchronicles.blogspot.com/2007/02/moral-high-ground.html Well, if the Patriots can deal with Randy Moss, the Texans can deal with Ricky Williams (well, the Patriots and character might not be the best example).
But blame really deserves to be heaped on Gary Kubiak. Yes, I know, he’s only a second-year head coach. But since the Atlanta game the Texans have come out looking like they have no game plan, no offensive strategy. No freaking clue. What are the coaches doing during the week? Watching game film of Demarcus Faggins and wondering what it’d be like if they could throw in his direction every game? You know that’s what the coaches on the other teams are doing, watching the film and praying that the Texans start Faggins again.
And before I go, I’ve got just one more thing. I need to call out Richard Justice for cowardice. I happened to go to Chron.com during the game yesterday. And around half-time, Justice had this post on his blog about the team being a disaster and about how they just needed to blow up and start all over again. By firing Kubiak and hiring Marty Schottenheimer. And I’m sure some of you reading this are saying, Wow, I’d like to read what Justice wrote about this. There’s just one problem. You can’t. He deleted it. Don’t believe me? Think I’m making things up? Well: “I'd like to apologize for all the bad things I [Justice] said about Gary Kubiak and others. I'll just hit the delete button.”
Yep, he said some nasty things about Gary Kubiak, but because the Texans got back into the game, he changed his mind and hit the delete button. But there’s nothing in what Justice said that would’ve been changed by a victory. He got on Kubiak for poor clock management. For failing to have a good game plan. For bad personnel decisions.
So what’s the deal? Are you hoping that no one read the original entry? Are you hoping Kubiak didn’t see it, or hear about it, and won’t cut off your access?
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Yes, I know, Schottenheimer can’t win in the playoffs. But what would you people prefer? Losing in the playoffs or losing in the regular season? Because to win in the playoffs you’ve actually got to win the regular season. And I think it’d be nice if the Texans were actually able to win in the regular season. And Schottenheimer has built winning teams in Cleveland, Kansas City, and San Diego, so he does have a bit of a track record – unlike Kubiak. So maybe Justice was onto something before he deleted that post (oh God, I kind of agreed with Justice. Get me some medical help. Stat.)
The Texans got lucky and scored 29 points in the fourth quarter. But that doesn’t affect the team’s piss-poor play in the first three quarters. If Dom Capers would’ve been coaching, there’s no way that post would’ve been changed. Or deleted.
And that’s all that I want. I want people to give the same treatment to both eras of Texan teams. The Capers Texans. And the Kubiak Texans.
Speaking of Marty Schottenheimer, next week the Texans are in San Diego, Schottenheimer’s old stomping grounds. Now that’s going to be interesting. We get to see who the worst coach is: Kubiak or Norv Turner. – John Royal