If there's anything we love, it's press releases from online dating services for gold-diggers and the douches who love them. And if there's anything we love more than that, it's the weird contortions they go through to hawk their sad, toxic wares -- which is why we freaking love that a site called SeekingArrangement.com claims that 258 Houston Independent School District teachers have joined the site to augment "their extracurricular activities with a little sugar."
Yes, according to what we're sure is a highly scientific poll, "258 teachers are moonlighting as Sugar Babies to offset wage cuts and job losses. In fact, the average registered public school teacher on the site is between the ages of 28 and 33 years old, and asks for approximately $3,000 a month in financial assistance." (According to an HISD student who crunched the numbers for us, that's nearly $250,000 a year!)
Brandon Wade, teacher advocate and SeekingArrangement.com's Chief Executive
PimpOfficer, stated in the release, "It's unfortunate what is happening in the American public school systems. Teachers are placed under enormous pressures to mold the young minds of tomorrow, but are expected to do so with less wages than their peers, and by working longer hours. Then those same teachers are forced to work in underfunded schools and marginally supplied classrooms."
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He added, "You can't expect a teacher to accept less pay for more work than their peers, and then reach into their pockets to fund your child's classroom. But that's what's happening. If those are the expectations and pressures we are putting on our teachers in America, [then] they can't possibly be judged for whatever extracurricular activities they choose to pursue to stay afloat."
Why isn't this man's visage on a stamp already?!
In case you were wondering, the alleged 258 HISD teachers did not put Houston in the top five for "sex ed" (HEY-OH!). Those would be: Philadelphia, Miami, L.A., Clark County (Las Vegas) and the "New York Public School System."
We wish those 258 the best of luck.