Every good idea has a turning point where, as the creator, you know that you've struck gold. And much like Vince McMahon knew that he was into something the night that his creation "Stone Cold" Steve Austin flipped the double birds to Mike Tyson on national television, I knew when I saw on bustedcoverage.com this morning that Giants fans and Redskins fans were brawling on Monday night that my Fan Fighting League was destined for success.
Why do I think that? Well, the Giant fans and the Redskin fans are already making their second appearances in only four FFL posts! Repeat performers!
Hitting the rewind button, you will remember Giant Fan's epic beatdown of Packer Fan just a week or so ago, despite some dissension within the Giant Fan ranks. And then back in Week 3, you will recall Redskin Fan going all gangster on another Redskin Fan! Actual physical dissension within the ranks!
So here we are in Week 13, coming off a riveting Monday night game on the field between the Giants and the Redskins, a game which the Redskins won 17-16. But do we really care about that? No, we're more concerned with the battle up in the stands. Can Giant Fan go on the road in a hostile environment and come out with a win over Redskin Fan, who to this point only has a win over himself.
Well, let's find out!
As we enter Zapruder mode on this bad boy, the principals in the fight appear to be as follows:
- Numerous Robert Griffin III jersey wearing fans. There was a story on SportsCenter last week that indicated RG3 is the top selling jersey in all of the NFL. This video is a pretty good barometer for that as about half the jersey wearing fans in this video are rocking the Griffin joint.
- A Redskin fan in a Clinton Portis #26 jersey who takes the lion's share of the punishment. We will call him CPG, short for Clinton Portis Guy.
- A Sean Taylor college Hurricane jersey wearing fan who we will call Ibis, named after the pelican/stork looking mascot thingy for the U.
- Two Giant fans in hoodies, one a blue hoodie and another a black hoodie, they were practically working with the chemistry and technique of a WWE tag team, so let's go old school and call them the Moondogs. We have Moondog Blue and Moondog Black.
Let's roll on Zapruder:
0:01 -- We see two of the Griffins staring a couple rows down at a Moondog Blue who goes to work right away with a barrage of right handed meat hooks on somebody (It turns out to be CPG. Poor CPG.) with Ibis standing by doing just enough to make it look like he's trying to help his buddy CPG, but keeping enough distance so as to not get any blood on his white Taylor jersey.
0:03 -- By the way, early on in this video is some guy, only discernible by voice and who may have been dropped on his head as a kid, yelling for security to come get Moondog Blue and escort him out. Clearly, this guy is not a fan of the FFL, so fuck him.
0:12 -- Every good FFL video has a moment where you could hear the crowd counting off the punches one at a time like a WWE match, and this video is no different. Moondog Blue fires off eight consecutive punishing right hands on CPG's dome that had me counting along like it was a Sesame Street bit with the Count -- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...eight...EIGHT bludgeoning right hands on CPG's face! AH AH AH AH!!!!
0:19 -- CPG gets out of there so he can check and make sure he still has both of his eyeballs, and that clears the aisle for us to get a look at Moondog Black whaling on the Griffins with a slew of left hands. MOONDOG BLACK IS A HOUSE OF FIRE!!!!
0:28 -- Some Redskin fans step in, seemingly at the behest of slurred speech dude who is just not a fan of violence (or English), and bring the action to a dull roar. It should be pointed out that Ibis is still just standing on the fringe of the scuffle doing absolutely nothing but trying to look like he's part of the action. If the real Sean taylor were alive, he'd treat this poser like he treated that punter in the Pro Bowl one year.
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0:35 -- Eventually, the Moondogs are escorted off by police and a Griffin wearing a Redskins santa hat. (Read that sentence again, and then if you're at work right now, seriously reevaluate how you're spending your time.) And just like that, amidst more Redskin Fan cries for security and peace on earth, as quickly as it started, the fight is over. Another Giant Fan victory.
Listen to Sean Pendergast (Notre Dame, Class of 1991) on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.