What?! You're Telling Us This Guy Sexually Abused Corpses!?!

(Update: The charges have been dismissed} James Patton of Houston is headed to court next week, on charges that he had his way with dead female bodies.

As DA spokeswoman Donna Hawkins told KHOU about pictures found on Patton's computer: "I can tell you that the defendant's male sexual organ was seen in various poses with those of dead bodies." Other media reports mention Patton's penis being photographed near a corpse's foot.

Really? This guy pictured up above? He doesn't look creepy at all.

Unless, by "creepy," you mean "The guy who looks most likely to abuse female corpses." In that case, yeah, you've got a point -- he does look kinda creepy.

But how does he stack up with classic creepy guys?

Norman Bates, Psycho: Sorry, dude, Anthony Perkins, while definitely creepy, is a somewhat good-looking man. Males and females seemed to think so, at any rate, jumping into bed with him with abandon. The whole dressing-as-Mom and stabbing tourists? Not quite as creepy as putting your dick anywhere near a female corpse. So you got that going for you.

Buffalo Bill, Silence of the Lambs: It puts the lotion in the basket, and it creeps us the fuck out. John Patton, you are no Buffalo Bill. So, again, good: You got that going for you. But that's a pretty low bar, when you think about it.

The dudes from The Shining: Creepier: Footjob with a corpse, or head from a man wearing a bear costume? A close call, and one we'd rather not examine too closely.

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