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Keep Houston Press Free
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When Match.com and eHarmony Aren't Working, Maybe You Need FarmersOnly.com (w/Video)

In today's proof that there is literally a Web site for every purpose, we bring you FarmersOnly.com. When you're just plum tuckered out looking for a date among city slickers and you need a girl who can milk a cow as quick as she can shuck some corn (if ya know what I mean), this is allegedly the place for you, cowboy.

If you haven't seen their commercials, well, they are pretty damn amazing. Perhaps not high on production value, they certainly are fun to watch. Here's a selection.

This was apparently one of the first. I mean, just look at those farmers out there picking corn and harvesting something. Poor Jill wandering the dried-up old cornfields all alone. Then there's Dave, that poor bastard. No one to talk to but their talking animals. Sigh. Wait, what?

This one is a take on the Dodge "Farmer" commercial, which is clever but still a little sad.

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Why can't I have an apple-chomping farm girl instead of city slickers like Freaky Fran from Atlanta? WHY?

I never seen no newfangled contraption like that there tele-phone you got, bubba. And, hey, look, a talking dog! The talking animal theme must be big among farmers.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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