While You Weren't Tweeting: That's What YouTube Is For

We presume (and hope and pray and are biting our toenails off from the nervous energy) that your weekends find you enjoying the sights, sounds, and scents of the grand metropolis in which we live. We also assume (even at the risk of making an ass out of you and me) that your weekends normally find you far, far away from the internets. Either that, or you have a piece-of-shit mobile phone, so you have no choice.

But it's Monday now. You're about to place your reupped beer rear into ye olde grooves in your office chair for the next eightish hours (okay, sevenish - we know you're taking that long lunch today, bravo!). But what are you going to do once your asscrack has aligned itself with the familiar ridge of the seat's padding?

You're not actually going to work are you?

Sheesh, we'd never dream of asking you to work! Not on a Monday, anyway. That's why there are four other days in the work week. You can work on those days, silly. For now, take our advice. Think of us as the big sister you never had. Thank us later.

Back to the point. While you're not working this fine Monday, what should you be doing? Voyeuristically watching other people live their lives, of course. It's called YouTube (have you heard of it?), and while you were endrunkening yourself, other people did stuff, too.

So what are people doing with their free time out there in the cyberverse?

Kanye West Hates Up on Taylor Swift: Oh, c'mon. Were you living under a rock last night? Your only excuse for not knowing about Kanye's straight up diss to Taylor Swift in favor of Beyonce when she won Best Female Video at the VMAs is hot sex. Other than that, you're just outta touch. Pun intended.

You Might Be a Redneck Artist: Have you ever been inspired to take that meaty brisket sauce and do anything with it but eat it? We're not asking if you're been inspired to slather on your own cock, either. After this video, it'd behoove us all to aspire to be a redneck one of these days. We're just lucky that he's not using what it looks like he's using.

Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?: Okay, okay, this might be the geekiest of all videos of all time, but hell, Felicia Day, star of web series The Guild, makes nerdity highly, highly digestible. For you boys at home keeping tabs, spanking it to Felicia is the new spanking it to Britney (just sayin'). And any video that includes the line, "Here in cyberspace, there's no disease" could make anyone's avatar blow its load.

Baby French Bulldog on its Back: This one made the rounds a few weeks ago, but since you were probably either insatiably stoned or inconsolably inebriated back then, we'll save your ass in terms of your internet street cred. Even if you prefer cats, or even if you don't speak Japanese, you'll get something out of this one. Promise. Puppy paws. In the air. Houston, it's worth it.

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