Whitney Casey's Glamour Collection

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We have long since given up trying to devote any time to the odd, gushing, almost-English ramblings of Whitney Casey, the former local talk-show host who is now writing a

Houston Chronicle

column on "relationships."

Casey, you'll remember, is the self-promoter who turned a brief stint on an unwatched TV show into a weeklong goodbye extravaganza, who is writing a book called Manopoly (oy) and whose column gig was announced with an effusive profile in which a Chron writer noted that "Casey reveres the written word."

Mangles, maybe. Reveres, not so much.

Anyway, as we say, the tripe has been unreadable for quite a while. But lately we can't help noticing something new: Each week, there's a new, huge, glamour shot of Casey instead of the tiny, traditional, boring mug shot.

Let's look at the the past four weeks:

1. The Pensive Casey

Rodin, there's a new Thinker in town! And she's wearing a kicky shirt and gazing soulfully into the camera. She's also flaunting as strongly as possible the fact that there's no wedding ring on that left hand, all you rich guys out there. Geez, does she have to wear a sign for you or something?

2. The Sultry Casey

Dammit, if I'm going to pay for a glamour-shot session, I'm going to get my money's worth! This time I will put my right hand down and hold up my head with my left hand. Also, I'll open up the shirt a bit to show some skin.

3. The Paris Hilton Casey

Yes, it looks like she's reaching for the cell phone in the middle of a cheaply recorded amateur sex video. It also looks like she says "That's hot" a lot. But Paris never wrote like this: "One option for the female in search of the high that talking gives them, but without having the problems that come with over-analyzing things: language lessons. Comprende?" On the other hand, maybe she did.

4. Brainy Casey

Eyeglasses? Check. Catholic-girl skirt? Check. Still making sure everyone notices she's not wearing ring? Check. Looks like the kind of word-revering author who could advise readers to make sure they know their dates' political leanings by writing "Election Day is just a breath away, so check their stuff before you wreck yourself!"? Check.

We can't wait to see what Sunday brings. (Also, if you hate yourself, check out her website to watch her dance.)

-- Richard Connelly

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