Who Are You? The Weird World of Twitter Bios Reveals Politics, Marital Status and Justin Bieber Love

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It's a very odd thing to have a 140-character bio. Any person in marketing will tell you that good ideas require an "elevator pitch," meaning you could pitch your idea in the time it takes to travel a few floors on an elevator. Really great ideas, some say, can be boiled down into a few words. But what about your life?

I did a little extremely unscientific research and was surprised at the results. Using sites like Followerwonk, it's easy to search the Twitter bios of tweeters and it reveals quite a lot.

6. Relationships It isn't all that surprising that people might want to list their status on a social networking site. But what did give me pause were the number of people who have the words wife or husband in their bios. Wives account for 269,856 mentions while husbands come in at 211,414, owing probably as much to the large number of women online as anything else.

As for people reporting their status, 153,448 people have "single" in their bios while 172,767 have "married." Another 4,578 brave souls have the word "divorce" in there. Yikes.

But the one that trumps them all is "mom" or "mother" with a whopping 447,290. "Dad" and "father" had just slightly more than half that number at 271,020. Moms unite!

5. Religion Religion has a fairly strong presence on Twitter and Christianity -- no surprise -- tops the list with 103,769 followed by Muslim (13,014), Jewish (5,727), Buddhist (4,536) and Hindu (1,174). Also, more than 10,000 twitterers had the word atheist in their bios.

4. Politics Anyone who has a Facebook feed with acquaintances from high school knows that people love to post things about politics online. Twitter is no different, but what I found fascinating in my search was the huge differences between those using the name of a political party and those using an ideology.

"Republican" popped up 7,942 times while "Democrat" came up 4,939 times. But "conservative" found its way into 34,913 bios while "liberal" did the same for 22,162 others. More than four times the number of people using "Republican" or "Democrat" chose "conservative" or "liberal" instead, including one guy who defined himself as "Child of God - Married - Gun carrying NRA Conservative - Radical Right Wing Super Villain - Anti Obama - Twitter Rock Star" while another simply called himself a "Godless liberal biologist." Indeed. 3. Careers It makes sense that you'd want to pimp your profession. More than 33,000 doctors do, apparently, and almost 50,000 lawyers as well. Real estate agents, who seem to swarm Twitter, are represented by more than 40,000 mentions of "realtor" or "real estate agent." Strangely, there were only 1,223 mentions of "social media expert" and a paltry 986 for "social media guru." Hopefully, that term has run its course.

2. Personality A lot of people use the word "awesome" in their bios -- 121,143 to be exact. But more than 15,000 of those define themselves with the term telling the world "I am awesome." That's a shitload of awesome. On the other side of things, nearly 9,000 consider themselves "crazy" and actually "I am crazy" -- though often followed by "about fashion" or "about food" as if that makes it better -- while 1,687 use the word "wacky," which is just sad. Even sadder, 69,366 people used the word "unique" to describe themselves. Perhaps not as unique as they think.

1. Body Parts Oh, yeah, people talk about penises and vaginas on Twitter and a pretty sizable number include those words in their descriptions. Some 2,074 say penis while another 1,454 use vagina. A third group -- all 2,958 of them -- prefer boobs.

Startlingly, I found a number of people who used these terms to also reference Justin Bieber. One girl said, "Normal people play jump rope with a rope, I play it with Justin Bieber's penis." Several claimed "I named my boobs Jazzy & Jaxon because Justin loves to play with them." One woman claimed Bieber did something to her vagina I am not going to mention. This is a family blog, after all.

These women do understand they are talking about Justin Bieber, right?

Oh, and "Houston" as well as "Texas" did represent with 16,931 mentions for H-Town and another 49,323 for the Lone Star State including "Alexis Texas aka buttwoman." Of course, 36,963 also identified themselves as foodies too, so maybe the mention in the Twitter bio isn't all that desirable.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

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