Who Joins Kubiak on the (Get Paid Lots of Severance) Bread Line

Sometime within the next several weeks, the Texans will be hiring a new head coach, and when they do, that will be a happy day for whoever that person is. (Hopefully, it's a happy day for the Texans' fan base, too.)

Years will go by, and that coach will likely experience some success and some failure, hopefully more of the former. But eventually, in all likelihood, he will wind up being fired in the end. It's how most (even some of the best) coach/team relationships end.

You're hired to be fired.

Now, we learned from Gary Kubiak (and his million-dollar smile and ten-cent beard) earlier this week that paid termination can be very agreeable. (Enough jambalaya makes anything better!) The question now becomes "Which NFL coach joins Gary Kubiak on the (oodles and oodles of free severance) bread line?"

Well, the good folks at bovada.lv have some thoughts on this. Let's take a look:

NFL Special - Will Jim Schwartz be the head Coach for the Detroit Lions for game 1 of the 2014 Season? Yes +200 (2/1) No -300 (1/3) REMAINING SCHEDULE: vs New York Giants, at Minnesota The consensus seems to be that if Jim Schwarz doesn't make the playoffs this season, he is going to get canned, and I think that's completely fair, given that the Lions are in a division that's seen Jay Cutler and Aaron Rodgers out for extended periods with injuries. Hired in 2009 after Detroit's horrific 0-16 campaign in 2008, but with a roster that already included quarterback Matthew Stafford and superhero Calvin Johnson (and was one year away from getting noted brawler Ndamukong Suh), Schwarz has gone 29-49 in almost five seasons with one playoff game (a wildcard round loss in 2011) to show for it. On top of that, he routinely displays a clown act that's an enjoyable object of ridicule for every opposing fan (and radio host) around the league. Still, they have two very winnable games down the stretch, and own the tie breaker over Chicago (2-0 versus the Bears). The value, at +200, is in betting Schwarz to stay on after winning the division. BET: YES +200 NFL Special - Will Dennis Allen be the head Coach for the Oakland Raiders for game 1 of the 2014 Season? Yes +150 (3/2) No -200 (1/2) REMAINING SCHEDULE: at San Diego, vs Denver Allen is in his second season, on the bad track to his second straight 4-12 campaign. The positives are that he's somehow made Matt McGloin into an NFL quarterback (HUGE partial credit as well to McGloin's college coach, Bill O'Brien) and the Raiders have played decently on offense. The negative is that their defense has been a sieve and two of their wins are against the Texans and early season Jaguars. If Al Davis were still alive, this would be a no brainer at NO -200 (of course, NO would probably be -2000 if Davis were alive). As it is, I need to ponder for about ten seconds, before deciding... BET: ...to still go with NO -200

NFL Special - Will Jason Garrett be the head Coach for the Dallas Cowboys for game 1 of the 2014 Season? Yes EVEN (1/1) No -140 (5/7) REMAINING SCHEDULE: at Washington, vs Philadelphia Jerry Jones gave Jason Garrett a vote of confidence, then he didn't, then he did....my head gets numb thinking about the Cowboys. Look, as bad as the Cowboys have been defensively, they still control their own destiny for the division title. Can you fire reputedly good defensive coordinators as scapegoats two seasons in a row? Rob Ryan last year, and now Monte Kiffin? To save, who...Jason Garrett?? Any other team, I'd say "No way," but Jerry Jones isn't "any other owner." He has an odd Garrett fetish, that's his boy. See ya later, Monte Kiffin! BET: YES EVEN

NFL WEEK 16 SPECIALS - Will Mike Shanahan be the coach of the Redskins for Game 1 of the 2014 Regular Season and his son (Kyle) not be on the coaching staff? Yes -140 (5/7) No EVEN (1/1) REMAINING SCHEDULE: vs Dallas, at Giants I really don't get this one. We all agree that Shanahan is in "Costanza driving around with the World Series trophy tied to his bumper" mode right now, right? (Even though the benching of RG3 and inserting Cousins is the more sensible decision for the franchise down the stretch -- protect Griffin, eBay sell Cousins -- it came from a place of scorn from Shanahan, not rational thought.) So this bet is saying what? That Shanahan cans his kid and stays on in Washington? Forget it, I'm just philosophically opposed to betting any scenario where Shanahan is still the coach of the Redskins come 2014.... BET: NO EVEN

FINAL TALLY: The clown show continues in Detroit and Dallas with narrow, hollow division crowns. Meanwhile, Kubiak has three new buddies to golf, grow beards, and eat jambalaya with -- Allen, Shanny, and Shanny, Jr.!

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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