College football season FINALLY begins tonight. Our long national nightmare is almost over.
With the kickoff comes the revival of our popular weekly series from last season, Why Notre Dame Will Win the National Title and UT Won't.
Technical difficulties caused some glitches in last year's program; these have been rectified and things should go much more smoothly thins year.
So, as Week One looms, here are the current five reasons the Irish will win the title this year and UT will go to the Holiday Bowl (again.)
1. UT has kept Mack Brown.
This will be, amazingly enough, Mack Brown's 13th year coaching the Longhorns. What's amazing about is that in those 13 years, he's won a mere one (1) national titles. Sorry, national title, with no "s." Notre Dame doesn't keep such mediocrity around, but we guess they do things differently in Austin.
At any rate, opposition defenses know what to expect from a Mack Brown offense -- mostly him walking the sidelines, glancing at a small piece of paper, and wondering whatever happened to that Vince fellow.
2. Notre Dame, on the other hand, has made exciting new changes.
When you think college football, you think the University of Cincinnati. Or at least you do if you're in southern Ohio, and not much of an Ohio State fan. UC coach Brian Kelly is now Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly, and magic can't help but ensue. It usually does whenever there's a coaching change in South Bend.
3. UT opens the season with Rice; ND takes on Purdue.
Rice students are still reeling from the closing of student station KTRU-FM. How can the team possibly get up for the game without an hour's worth of Pashtun wedding music, or whatever it is KTRU plays on Saturdays? Purdue, on the other hand, has the world's biggest drum. BCS voters (and the computers) will take all this into account when they rate the strength of schedule UT and ND faced this year.
4. UT's new quarterback is Gilbert Gottfried; ND's is Dayne Christ.
We may have the spelling wrong on either of those names, but the bigger point is this: Who would you rather have leading your team, an exceedingly annoying comedian, or He who died so that we all may live?
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5. UT players will be forced to take the field without the inspiration of Jordan Shipley's music.
Sure, you could put on rejected demos from a Dan Fogelberg cover band, but it just won't hold the same musical punch as Shipley's lovelorn ballads to a never-named roommate. How can you expect a defensive lineman from Dallas Carter to get "psyched," as the kids say, without that secret weapon? You can't.
ND, on the other hand, has Freekbass.