By the looks of the little infobox on his

, it appears that somehow, some way, Wayne Dolcefino has antagonized somebody. The Channel 13 investigative reporter’s occupation is listed as “gossip columnist / local punchline,” his religious beliefs are listed as “Satanic orthodox,” and his spouse is said to be Dave Ward. The entry claims that Dolcefino is “known for” “raping Asian babies.”

Dolcefino is taking it all in stride. “A viewer pointed that out to me the other day,” he tells Hair Balls. “A while back, it said I was married to Tim Heller, and I didn’t see that. Tim is a tad jealous that I have moved on. I think Dave’s a little old for me.”

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He says he was amused by the "Satanic orthodox" bit: “What, so I couldn't be Satanic reform?”

He does worry about what his son might think when he Googles daddy and finds the entry.

“He’s gonna see ‘Raping Asian babies.’ Whatever.”

– John Nova Lomax