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With Nothing Better To Do, San Antonio Cops Raid Porno Theater And Find Old Dudes Jacking Off

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There was a lot that puzzled us about this sordid little tale out of San Antonio.

Bexar County deputies raided an adult video theater and arrested three men Thursday evening after they were seen performing sexual acts on themselves, officials said.

Jose Valenzuela, 51, Alvie W. Baird, 83, and Reynaldo Arredondo, 61, were arrested after undercover officers found them committing the sexual acts on themselves while watching adult videos in an open bay at the Twin Theaters Adult Video in Von Ormy. They remained in custody Thursday night and were all charged with indecent exposure. Bail for each suspect was set at $2,000.

The story went on to report the shocking news that this wasn't the first time that people had been arrested performing sexual acts on themselves at that very porno theater. Three men were caught doing the Pee-Wee Herman there back in October and two more were caught rockin' out with their cock out in January.

But that wasn't what puzzled us about this story...

1. We read the local section of the San Antonio paper pretty often. It would seem to us that Bexar County law enforcement could easily find more productive uses for their time.

2. In this day and age of Internet porn, dirty movie theaters still exist?

3. And last but not least, that Baird fellow is 83 years old. He was born in the Calvin Coolidge administration. At his age, a night in jail could be a death sentence. Let the man jack off in a porno theater if he wants to. Hasn't the Greatest Generation earned at least that much?

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