Woman Reports Dude Banging Her Driveway (Not a Euphemism)

It's always fun when a media entity gets to write a headline with something silly in it. In this case, KPRC's "Man Accused of Humping Driveway" is brilliant in its humor, simplicity and, remarkably, accuracy. According to a report, a woman pulled into the driveway of her Harris County home and was approached by a man, David Michael Gray, asking for a lighter. When she said she didn't have one -- because when a random dude shows up in your driveway wanting a lighter, he is NOT to be trusted -- he left...or so she believed.

Gray didn't leave, however. The woman said after entering her home, she watched -- no doubt in stunned horror -- as Gray was "humping and thrusting" on her driveway. Gray, 41, was arrested with bond set at $3,500. He was charged with public lewdness, though if it were a law, I would insist he also be charged with "Driveway Humping" because that would be an awesome, though likely narrowly applied, law.

In all honesty, as creepy as this may be, it's not as bad as the Heights pooper. I mean, I don't want some weirdo trying to bone my driveway, but at least he's not leaving anything behind but shame.

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