It's always fun when a media entity gets to write a headline with something silly in it. In this case, KPRC's "Man Accused of Humping Driveway" is brilliant in its humor, simplicity and, remarkably, accuracy. According to a report, a woman pulled into the driveway of her Harris County home and was approached by a man, David Michael Gray, asking for a lighter. When she said she didn't have one -- because when a random dude shows up in your driveway wanting a lighter, he is NOT to be trusted -- he left...or so she believed.
Gray didn't leave, however. The woman said after entering her home, she watched -- no doubt in stunned horror -- as Gray was "humping and thrusting" on her driveway. Gray, 41, was arrested with bond set at $3,500. He was charged with public lewdness, though if it were a law, I would insist he also be charged with "Driveway Humping" because that would be an awesome, though likely narrowly applied, law.
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In all honesty, as creepy as this may be, it's not as bad as the Heights pooper. I mean, I don't want some weirdo trying to bone my driveway, but at least he's not leaving anything behind but shame.