World Series: Comparing The Rangers/Astros Experience

That didn't take long, did it?

I won the World Series and all I got was this penis hat

If you didn't switch channels to get away from the Texans' ineptitude against the Colts, then you missed the Texas Rangers getting mercifully put out of their hitless misery in the World Series.

The Rangers' showing, of course, was on a par with the Astros' in 2005. That doesn't exactly speak well of Texas major league baseball, but then again that's not a subject the rest of the country ever spends a lot of time thinking about.

So who did worse on the big stage? Let's examine.

5. The Rangers did manage to win a game
In terms of sheer objective, quantifiable data, this is inescapable: Astros, swept in four; Rangers, managed to at least eke out one win. They tried their best to give it away, but the fact remains they won.

4. On the other hand, the Astros didn't treat the concept of "scoring" and "getting to third base" like they were teachers' pets in abstinence class
Game one was a tedious home-run derby, reminiscent of years and years of Texans games where anything that didn't involve both teams in double digits was considered a pitcher's duel. Take away that game and the Rangers scored three runs in the remaining four contests, with two shutouts. And no, they didn't look good doing it.

3. Killer B's, as stupid as they are, remain light-years ahead of whatever the hell was going on with "claw and antlers"
Yes, it was highly annoying to have to listen to endless buzzing in Minute Maid Park, not to mention guys dressed up like bees. But at least you could tie it to the fact that the `Stros had a lot of guys whose names began with "B." And it is possible to make buzzing sounds without looking like an idiot. Not possible when making fake antlers on your head with your hands.

2. Houston kept the Bushes to a minimum
Which is still a lot of Bush, but at least it was George H.W. Generational note: Laura Bush allows herself to be seen being bored to death during a baseball game she'd rather not be at. Barbara Bush would never do such a thing.

1. The Astros achievement was far more remarkable
The Astros lost to a team that hadn't one a Series title in 88 years; the Rangers lost to a team that hadn't won a title in 56 years. Pikers.

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