The FBI and local law enforcement are baffled by a disguise used in a northwest-side bank robbery this morning.
Mostly they seemed baffled by just how half-assed and piss-poor the disguise was and why the robber would use an outfit seemingly designed only to inspire derision and laughter.
The FBI's official critique of the get-up: Iit said a "Poorly disguised bank robber...wearing an obviously fake beard" had hit an Amegy Bank in the 1300 block of Wirt Road about 10:30 this morning.
The agency later noted that the robber was wearing "what appeared to be an inexpensive fake beard."
Bring it, FBI!! Bah-ring it!!!
Obviously reeling from the criticism, the robber did manage to get away and is being searched for by authorities.
He's described as
a Middle Eastern male, 25-30 years old, 5'6" - 5'7", approximately 160 pounds with a medium build. He had brown eyes, and a birthmark or scar on his upper left cheek. He wore a dark blue jogging suit with a hood and a white bandana covering the top of his head and what appeared to be an inexpensive --
You know the rest.
It's too bad the Dollar Store was all out of their brown "three beards for 50 cents" collections, because then there would have been a chance the guy might have been able to pull off a look that could be labeled "at least somewhat human."
Instead he's stuck looking like...well, no one we've ever seen recently, but that's only because it's been awhile since we've gone to any third-grade Christmas pageants.
This is the worst beard since Lisa Marie Presley, if you wanna bask in some Michael Jackson jokes.
Authorities are asking anyone with information on this guy to call the Crime Stoppers tip line at 713-222-TIPS (8477) or the Houston FBI office at 713-693-5000.