It’s mid-term election season again, and no doubt you have been subjected to seeing Governor Rick Perry’s suave Steve Reeves-style pompadour in his campaign commercials, or Democratic candidate Bill White’s righteous chrome dome testing the limits of your HD television with it’s high-gloss sheen during his own ads.
Politicians may have public speaking, corporate shilling, and cowering to lobbyists and shadowy money men down, but girl, they got to do something with they hairs. I’m looking at you, everyone who holds public office. Too bad you can’t be fly like me. I bet they even bench press very much either.
13. Christine O’Donnell
She’s like a Rachael Ray from Hell, and you just know she has split ends and uses only one kind of conditioner.
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12. Harry Reid
I would so steal Harry Reid’s lunch money, hardcore.
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11. Tom Tancredo
Tom’s hair looks like it was made by Ace Of Cakes. I love that smooth swirl.
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10. Al Franken
Remember
in school when your science teacher would bring rocks to class and
smash them so you could see the mineral waves in them? Yeah.
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9. Hillary Rodham Clinton
Her hair says “I’m going to shut down your frat house because I am the evil feminist dean.”
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8. John Kerry
Kerry and Perry must go to the same robo-barber. I bet his hair smells like strawberries.
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7. Barbra Boxer
What’s up, Mrs. Robinson? Wanna wrestle?
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6. Chuck Schumer
Dude
has hair like the warden from Shawshank Redemption. “What say you, Miss
Fuzzy Britches?” said the senator from New York to Christine O’Donnell.
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5. Pat Toomey
Nice preacher hair, brah.
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4. Kirsten Gillibrand
I bet this stuff doesn’t move in the wind or rain. It looks like it was built Ford tough.
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3. Russ Feingold
His hair looks like Velcro. You can put your cellphone up there during Senate sessions.
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2. Bobby Jindal
Bobby Jindal’s awesome butt-cut makes us miss late-’90s alt-rock. Remember Sponge?
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1. Byron Dorgan
Holy Comb-Over Batman. Just shave your head, for Christ sakes.
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This article appears in Oct 28 โ Nov 3, 2010.
