Every so often we furnish you with a list of some of the strangest, funniest and most awesome names we find in our daily trollings of Harris County records. Usually, we do this roughly once a quarter, but this month has been fertile, so much so that we are now bringing you a new installment of a dozen a mere four weeks after our last go-round. (You can find that one here, and our earlier efforts hither, thither and yon.
Jose Akeem Horton: I love the multicultural aspects of this name, it's H-Town pride, and the fact that you can peg the guy's date of birth to some time between 1982 (when Akeem Olajuwon first made his presence felt) to around 1990, when Dream added the "H" to "Akeem." (Horton was born in 1984, right after Olajuwon lead the Houston Cougars to their third straight Final Four.)
Schvolva Tichvodka Hayes: Wow, just wow. Sort of naughty, sort of suggestive, sort of boozy, very alt-Russian, and all the way weird.
"Schvolva Schvolva bo Bolva, Bananafana fo fana, Schvolva!"
Pepper D'Shawn Canada: Pepper and Canada: they go together like hockey and Honduras.
Markquelas Quetras: Reminds of South Pacific isles and Aussie airlines.
Twalure Lynnioes Spears: I sort of get "Twalure" but I have no idea about that middle name.
Mega Matahari: Sounds like an early Nintendo game involving outer space spies or something like that. And it's super-cool.
Adrena D. Turnipseed: Names don't get much more down-home and country than that.
Vi-Lasha Ru-Sheame Wallace: Not a big fan of the dash name, but this one is interesting.
Julia Lynn Phlegm: Was this person cursed? Did she lose a bet? Couldn't someone have changed the spelling to "Flem" somewhere along the line? Really....Phlegm? It sounds bad. It's hard to spell. It refers to a disgusting substance. I just don't get it.
Nautilus Shepard: Sounds like a track star -- an Olympic 110-meter hurdles gold medalist. Awesome name.
Cleopatrick Charles: Two words: Pimp 'In.
D'Mornay Freddi Joe James: Another one you can peg to a moment in time: roughly the same time-frame as Jose Akeem Horton. We would guess Mr. James was born sometime between the release of Risky Business in 1983 and 1993, when Rebecca DeMornay's star began to wane. (1988 is his date of birth, a quick peek reveals.)
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.