If you were watching the Super Bowl in Texas, you probably saw the nicely shot ad for H-E-B stores, featuring scenes of the state and Jack Ingram singing a song called"You Can't Spell Texas Without H-E-B."
This is troubling, on several levels. (It is perhaps not quite as troubling as
H-E-B's other the Kroger ad, which demonstrated that a) Nolan Ryan will demand baseballs from rosy-cheeked boys politely seeking an autograph, and b) he will do so while wearing a shirt and sporting a gut that makes him look like a neon Michelin Man.)
In his song, Ingram sings such sentiments as "It ain't the Hill Country if it doesn't have the hills." Inarguable, to be sure.
"Now Houston ain't the same without its Channel to the Bay," he adds, and again, no one could gainsay that.
And his chorus:
There's so much to love about Texas, That's why Texas is home for me. Can't find any place on Earth like Texas. And you can't spell Texas without H-E-B.
Thexbas, our Thexbas, all hail the mighty state.
Will no one think of the children? At least the children of Jack Ingram fans? They are going to be terribly confused. (Or, as he might sing it, they're going to be terribly cHonEfuBsed.)
On the other hand, the idea does open itself to other possibilities.
"You can't spell 'Central Market is a rip-off' without H-E-B," could be the follow-up hit. Although if there's too much backlash, "You can't spell H-E-B without H-E-B" might be the way to go.
We'd ask Nolan Ryan for answers, but we don't have a baseball on us.
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