You Know It's Bad When Losing To The Texans Isn't As Bad As It Gets

So you’re Tom Cable and you’re the coach of the moribund 1-3 Oakland Raiders.You’ve just a lost a football game to the Houston Texans, the team which started the legend of Mark Sanchez. And not only did your team lose 29-6 to the Texans, but you were outcoached by Gary Kubiak, a guy who, in his time as a head coach, has made Dom Capers look like a genius.

But as bad as that seems, it gets worse.

Not only did you lose to the Texans, 29-6, but you lost to a team that had three rookies playing in the secondary. You lost to a team that had three players out with flu-like symptoms — one with the swine flu. You lost to a team that was only able to generate 26 yards of offense in the second half.

Your team’s quarterback was so bad that Matt Schaub looked like the second coming of Peyton Manning, yet Schaub was only 11 for 22 with one touchdown.

So you’re Tom Cable and you can’t think that it could possibly get any worse than being humiliated by the Houston Texans. But the Napa, California police would like to dispel of you that notion.

Way back on August 5, Cable and former assistant coach Randy Hanson
apparently had a bit of a disagreement. A disagreement which sent
Hanson to the hospital with a broken facial bone.

And Hanson has decided to press charges. So now the police have
forwarded the case to the Napa DA. So Tom Cable, while losing to the
Houston Texans is a humiliating experience, just think of how bad it’s
going to be when you’re dragged out of the Oakland Raiders training
facilities in handcuffs.

The thing is, it appears that Hanson might have deserved it. Hanson
was, after all, the guy responsible for his former boss being fired.
That former boss being Cable’s predecessor as Raiders coach, Lane
Kiffin.

For it was just last year, after the Raiders lost their opening game to
the Denver Broncos, that assistant coach Hanson trashed the rest of the
coaching staff, including Kiffin. Kiffin’s response was to suspend
Hanson. The Raiders response was to fire Kiffin.

Cable was the poor sucker chosen to replace Kiffin, and for some
reason, Cable let Hanson remain on his staff. Not even Kubiak would do
something that stupid, and he’s done some pretty stupid things, like
giving jobs to Richard Smith and Mike Sherman.

So it appears that Hanson tried to do the same thing to Cable that he
did to Kiffin, and Cable, instead of going the suspension route, went
the punch-in-the-face route. And Hanson then went crying to the cops,
and Cable might now be going to jail.

So being outsmarted by Gary Kubiak might be rather embarrassing. And losing to the Texans might be kind of humiliating.

But going to jail because you were stupid enough to hire the same guy
who stabbed your former boss in the back, why that actually seems kind
of appropriate for the head coach of the Oakland Raiders.