5. Hoard your Tabasco (and other condiments) for the MRETS (MREs That Suck) like the anything starting with or containing a derivative of the words "vegetable" or "vegetarian." For example, the cheese & veggie omelette has the texture of and tastes worse than sawdust bound together with processed cheese food.

4. Trade the crap like veggie entrees, dairy shake and mocha coffee for stuff that's actually good like a pork rib entree, cheesy pretzels, wheat snack bread or jalapeno cheese spread.

3. Combine the MRETS and any leftover ingredients to make a goulash, suggests my friend, Mark, who spent a career in the Army living on MREs. "It sounds gross, but it tastes better than you think." Perhaps you could pair it with a sweet amalgam of Boone's Farm.

2. Do not release your grip on your Beef Ravioli entree. My side-by-side taste test surprised me in that the MRE had beefier "meat" and richer, more savory sauce that its canned cousin that I loved as a kid and trucked from Spring Valley to Folsom, LA.

1. Do not eat the silica gel, jackass. That's the little packet of stuff that is packed in each accessory pack to absorb the excess moisture. You will confuse it with salt. Toss it ASAP.

P.S. For those of you thinking, "you're referencing 2005 menu options in this post." Yeah, you're right. The shelf life is officially three years, but MREs last forever. Chances are better than average that you may run across a 2005 version during your time in a refugee situation. Good luck.