Ranch, Thousand Island, Italian, Blue Cheese--the regular gang is all here at your neighborhood supermarket. Sometimes, however, a few weirdos sneak onto the shelves that we're not sure we're comfortable with dressing our salads. Here are five spotted recently:
5. "Mango Style" (3 Zeros)" Just "mango" sounds okay though maybe a bit too sweet. "Mango Style" sounds like a euphemism for something I don't want near my food.
4. "Chinese Chicken Salad" (Girard's). So much latent strangeness. First, the inclusion of "salad" in the title seems redundant ("Chicken Salad-flavored dressing?). Second, Girard's is proud of the fact that they've been creating salad dressings since 1939 though I'm assuming this particular flavor didn't originate that year given Americans weren't exactly sinophiles, having excluded Chinese immigrants for the past five decades.
This story continues on the next page.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
3. "Sugar Free Creamy Bacon Ranch" (Walden Farms). Thank God they got rid of all that sugar. More room for pig fat and cream. Probably not the most popular flavor among Orthodox Jews.
2." Velveeta Cheesy Ranch" (Kraft). Might as well have celery sticks and queso. Also, you might be able to make macaroni and cheese by pouring this over cooked noodles. And, in the same vein...
1. "Peach Vanila" (Braswell's). Salad dressings should not double as salad toppings. If you're seeking some fruity sweetness in the form of peaches, why not just add...peaches?