We've recently taken up the ancient practice of Bikram Yoga to supplement our neo-hippie health kick. For those of you who aren't familiar with this type of yoga, it's the torturous one that is done for exactly 90 minutes in a 105 degree humid room. So it's basically like doing regular yoga for a long time outdoors in August. Anyway, due to the extreme heat and intense workout, a list of dos and don'ts is provided when you enter the studio. One of the biggest don'ts is eating beforehand, presumably because doing so would make you hurl all over your neighbor while trying to perfect your Eagle pose. So being sick and twisted, we decided to come up with the five worst foods you could eat before engaging in this extreme exercise ritual. Please let us know your thoughts as well.
5. Pancakes - This one was actually inspired by a friend of ours who indulged in a big plate of IHOP about an hour before the class started. Was it the heaviness of the floury cake, the sugary sweetness of the maple syrup, or the richness of the tablespoons of butter that caused her to lie in Dead Body pose for the majority of the class? We're not sure, but regardless we're going to stay away from all these things.
4. Chicken Vindaloo - Indian food plus Indian workout = not much fun. Yes, this one is counterintuitive at first, but when you think about it, heating up your internal temperature with thousands of Scoville units of hot chilies really isn't the best thing to do before going into a virtual steam room to work out. Breakthrough discovery, we know.
3. Ice cream sundae - Mounds and mounds of rich, sugary dairy piled high into a bowl and topped with even more sugar. This creation could make you sick all by itself, sans heat. Add a bunch of abdominal stretching and turning, and that's one sweet recipe for embarrassment.
2. Porterhouse steak - Eating big hunks of meat shortly before working out is generally not a great idea. When it comes to a steak this big, though, you're really in trouble. We cannot even fathom how many hours would be required to sufficiently process this big of a chunk of cow before attempting Triangle pose, which is said to be like putting your body through a very mild heart attack. Hmmm... you think they cancel each other out, then? Probably not.
1. Monster burrito - Where to start? The huge, bready tortilla that will sit in your belly like a rock for hours? The big chunks of fajita meat that need mucho digestion time? Or what about the large quantity of beans that are likely to induce noxious gas fumes in a hot, crowded quiet room? Oh, the possibilities are endless with this one.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.