Oh, man, this contest was over before it started. Scrolling down from Katharine Shilcutt's piece on taste-testing "marital aids," how could we resist this gem from commenter Bruce R?
Forget those store bought edible undies--you can make your own. All you need are some licorice whips (for the waist) and two Fruit Roll-Ups (for coverage). If you want to be more risque than that you can fashion the undies using only licorice whips.
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Bruce R, we have so many questions about this. But we are going to let them go. Know, though, that we are filled with admiration for you and yours...