For When the End Comes: Food Insurance

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

If I am not mistaken, it is Revelation 24:8 that says, "The ground opened and the great devil Beelzebub's thorny legs were cloaked in Pajama Jeans." With Billy Blanks Jr. now going even where his father dared not -- see the Hawaii Chair (click the video, it is so worth it) and the Cami Secret (essentially a dickey for the ladies) -- it does now appear that the final days are upon us. Have you begun to make your plans?

Fear not, true believers, you won't have to suffer through endless servings of canned tongue while you are trapped in a tank trying to fend off the walking dead, because Food Insurance plans to swoop in and serve you delicious and nutritious meals in a backpack.

According to the website, this Glenn Beck-endorsed product works like so: you go to their website, you search through the many cost levels and plan options listed, you order one of the many freeze-dried meal kits, you wait for it to arrive, you store it in a safe place, you wait for the bomb to drop, and you enjoy diced beef and a parfait.

The bare minimum package starts at $199 and includes the backpack, a two- week food supply, fuel pellets and a heat source. You can buy additional entrée combos that top out at 3,727 meals with free drink mixes for $9,799.99. There are a lot of drink options (and there is even a portable water filter available), but the one thing I can't find on the site is water itself. I guess if the seas turn to blood and there is no clean water, then you won't be able to have your milk substitute.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to enjoy a beef stroganoff entrée while I catch up on all these stories about birds dropping out of the sky.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.