Many Americans may be expecting a lump of coal in their hanging folders at work instead of holiday bonuses, but if Clark Griswold has taught us anything, it's that an undying devotion to holiday spirit can get you through the most well-earned of psychotic breakdowns.
While Clark understandably wasn't thrilled to receive a Jelly of the Month club membership instead of a bonus, to us it isn't an entirely repulsive prospect. As a gift, it ranks somewhere between a Topsy Turvy and a Magic Bullet. Here are a few options if you'd like to go for the gag:
Amazing Clubs' Jam & Jelly of the Month Club This is offered in three-, six- and 12-month increments ranging from $17.95 to $19.95 a month, with free shipping. While Amazing Clubs believes in the element of surprise when sending you jelly flavors, its endorsement by Extra's Mark McGrath is all the assurance we need for guaranteed awesomeness.
Texas Pepper Jelly of the Month Club Texas Pepper ships three 12-ounce jars every 3 months to your loved ones for less than $100. With flavors like Pear Habanero and Texas Passion Jalapeño, every jar is a new way to enjoy the Christmas miracle that is sweet hot pepper jelly love.
AmishMart's Jam & Jelly of the Month Club Flavors like rhubarb strawberry jam and cranberry jelly and dubious ties to the Amish -- I thought they were against things like websites? -- are just about all we need to give this club the Griswold seal of approval. Membership will get you two jellies for $15.95 each month, plus shipping.
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The Swiss Colony's Fruit Spread Sampler If you're going for a big impression up front or don't want payments spread throughout the year, consider this old standby of great grandmas everywhere. At The Swiss Colony, $32.95 will get you 18 mini sampler jars, containing 3/4th ounce each of "Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?"