^
Keep Houston Press Free
4

Happy Birthday Paula Deen!: Great Butter-Stained GIFs

Paula Deen is too easy of a target for the ire of the Internet. She cooks with copious amounts of butter, and has just that right mixture of cheerfulness and Southern sass to drive people crazy. Then, this past week we found out she has been living with diabetes.

Not that having diabetes is a personal flaw, but even as she showed people how to cook delicious foods with near-toxic levels of fat and sugar, she was suffering the consequences of it. Let's be honest, though: She wasn't holding a gun to anyone's head forcing them to buy industrial globs of butter to cook with. It's called free will, people. I love all those prison shows on MSNBC, but I don't have any desire to go to jail.

Today the cooking show host and surrogate crazy aunt to millions turns 65 years old, and in the spirit of the day, we found a few GIFs for you to stare at , well, really to be entranced by. Remember last year's hit meme, Paula Deen Riding Things? It's back y'all, and now it can move!

On a side note, last year while on vacation in the Mid-South, I ate at a Paula Deen-curated buffet at a casino, and I couldn't see straight for two days. If I say that it was gross, I would be lying, because the fried catfish tasted like a Butterfinger bar and the only reason I left was because the buffet literally closed for the night.

My heart began beating at strange intervals, and the next morning I felt like moving to Berlin to kick my butter addiction with Iggy Pop.

She's like a silver-haired Freddy Krueger, waiting to eat you in your sleep.

The glass of wine is always a nice touch when riding a kitteh in the sky.

I don't know about you fellas, but I think of this image to push me over the edges of ecstasy, right when the time is right. Ick.

I got it! A Golden Girls reboot, bringing Betty White back as the kooky landlord to sabertooths Deen, Meredith Baxter, Alfre Woodard and Candice Bergen at funky resort condo.

Who hasn't dreamed of riding a melting stick of "real" butter around hot homemade mashed potatoes?

I always had this theory that Deen was a hot twenty-something back in the '60s, listening to Jefferson Airplane, smoking a Marlboro in a flower print dress while making bacon and eggs in a hot apartment kitchen. That has nothing to do with the above GIF.

I hope if I ever get hit in the face with a frozen ham slab, someone makes a GIF out of it. That doesn't mean I want you to hit me in the face with a frozen slab of ham. But I have medical insurance, so what do I care?


Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.