The Place: Christian's Tailgate 7340 Washington 713-864-9744 christianstailgate.com
The Deals: $2.50 wells, $2.50 domestic drafts and bottles, $7.50 pitchers The Hours: noon to 7 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays
The Scene: If there's a reason to mention the adult-to-child ratio, you're probably not at a wild happy hour.
"I think there are more kids here than adults," my friend Casey said when we sat down at the Christian's Tailgate on Washington. He was barely wrong -- the distribution among the 14 people in the bar was exactly 1:1, unless someone was in the bathroom when I counted.
At 5 p.m., it felt like a quiet cousin that's only distantly related to the rowdier locations in Midtown and the Heights. While we had a beer and waited on a burger, a kid with nicer hair than me played an old arcade game, ESPN talking heads on mute analyzed boosters, hookers and bling at the University of Miami, and a Hootie and the Blowfish song played on the stereo. (The song with lyrics that sound like they say "dolphins make me cry"...and we just looked them up. The lyrics actually say that. Shit.)
The two groups with children left about 20 minutes in. The kids were well behaved, but it's better they took off, since we were about to play a game of shuffleboard and there's no way that's going down without involuntary profane outbursts. Especially when your so-called buddy knocks off your best shot of the afternoon without even a minor display of emotion.
We're not sure about late-night weekends, but when it comes to happy hour, stay on the south side of I-10 if you want the typical Washington scene. If you'd rather relax and eat good burgers with families and guys cooling down with a beer while still in their work coveralls, Christian's does fine.
And if you want some good bathroom graffiti, check out the space above the urinals in the men's room. We're still not sure if the spelling mistake was intentional.