Health Department Roundup

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It's 4/20 today, a high holiday for stoners. It's also Hitler's birthday and the anniversary of the Columbine school shooting. But don't let that bring you down. We don't care too much about celebrating, but we're happy to help out those of you who do indulge by reporting on the cleanliness of a few places that might appeal to you while baked. Just don't drive if you're too high. Or, if you do, drive really slowly. You can't get pulled over for the opposite of speeding.

Pho goes well with pretty much any state, though it would likely be exceptional post-toking. Be warned that Pho Nga (2929 Milam), however, had a little pest problem. The Vietnamese place was closed temporarily after an inspection based on a complaint for a couple of routine violations (accumulated dust/dirt, dirty floors), plus one real bad one. A lot of places get written up for conditions that could lead to infestation, but Pho Nga was called out for "premises affording the harborage/feeding of insects/rodents." First off, that's nasty. Second, "affording the harborage"? Is that a quote from The Wasteland? See, health inspectors, you start with the ornate verbiage, and we try to keep up with T.S. Eliot references, and absolutely no one wins. (A follow-up the next day showed the restaurant as clean, by the way.)

This one's for pros only, because going here when stoned is one of the few ways marijuana can actually kill you. CiCi's Pizza (8000 S. Gessner) got a pretty good report, racking up only three violations. Two were pedestrian - the manager didn't have the proper certification, and spill rags were not being properly cleaned between uses. The third was sort of perplexing - "Employee drinking from an open beverage container in manner which contaminates employees (sic) hands, exposed food, clean equipment/utensils, linen, unwrapped single-service articles." Is he or she an especially sloppy drinker, so much that the mere act of consuming liquid in the presence of "unwrapped single-service articles" and linen somehow compromises the cleanliness of these objects? And the violation was listed as "corrected on site." Technically, aren't you correcting the violation each time you set down your drink? Does that mean the violation is based on your intention to consume more of the drink? Did an employee at Cici's on S. Gessner get written up for a thought crime? We're this close to buying some rifles and moving to an off-the-grid hut somewhere in eastern Oregon.

The Subway at 538 Waugh got a spotless inspection report. Now you can eat that sandwich with just the usual amount of guilt associated with downing 12 inches of meatballs and cheese.

If you're more into swishas and dosha in a SLAB than bong rips and Adult Swim in a dorm room, be advised that The Original Timmy Chan's (5502 Lockwood) received a citation for half a dozen violations. The greatest hits: Food that was either not safe for human consumption or in violation of labeling laws (corrected on site, somehow), food stored at improper temperature (repeat, also corrected on site), and jacked up outdoor trash bins (our wording, thanks). Maybe go straight for the 40 and the dice and get your chicken and rice elsewhere, at least until Timmy cleans up his act.

Hurt feelings of the week: Mi Pueblito (4008) had a great inspection Friday, with only one minor violation: "Inspection report not posted on an inside wall of food establishment/defaced." You mad, health department?

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