Holiday Gift Don'ts: 5 Useless Gifts Nobody Wants

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Every week this holiday season, we'll be posting our favorite food-centric gift ideas. Earlier this week, we featured Useful Kitchen Tools Under $30. To further help everyone avoid that awkward "Hey, didn't I get you that last year?" re-gifting moment, now we're sharing 5 Holiday Gifts That Nobody Actually Wants.

Make sure to avoid these useless gifts:

See also: Top 5 Seasonal Booze Gifts Top 5 Gifts for Wine Lovers Top 5 Gifts for the Baker 5 Gifts for the Coffee Snob Keeping It Kosher: Top 5 Hanukkah Gifts

5. Single-Purpose Slicers

"Thank God you got me that egg slicer last year, Jane. I don't know what I'd do without it," said nobody ever.

I'm confused as to how having 18 different slicers seems easier than a knife, or the god-send that is the mandoline (one of our holiday must-haves).

I'm also slightly in awe that someone is able to produce and sell these things. A pickle slicer? If only Snooki knew! There's even an avocado slicer -- do they not know how much fun those things are to scoop out with a spoon?

4. Strawberry Huller

I really have nothing to say here. If you even thought about getting this, I think you're beyond my help.

But even worse? One of the you-may-also-likes linked to the strawberry huller is a strawberry slicer. Of course. God help us all.

3. The World's Tiniest Strainer

Okay, so it's marketed as an egg separator, not the world's tiniest strainer...but I feel like they have to be playing us, right? I mean, we all know how to separate an egg, right? Don't we??

What's the angle here? WHO VERSUS?!?

2. A $40 Can Opener

The WMF Profi Plus Safety Can Opener may be designed and engineered to the highest professional standard (wtf does that even mean -- it's a freaking can-opener!), but what can be so special as to justify the $40 price tag?

It's not an electric can opener. It doesn't automatically clean itself. It isn't even goddamn bedazzled! You're not tricking me, WMF.

1. Specialty Molds

Did you know there exists such a thing as a calzone mold?

I will barely even make a calzone, let alone enough to necessitate an entire calzone mold. (Shut up. I'm still in character from Halloween, okay. Party on!)

But you know, the calzone mold really is needed. Because people mess up calzones all the time. It's tragic, really.

And stuffed cheeseburgers? Forget it. I wouldn't know where to start without this stuffed hamburger press. Right?

The fact that all of these items can be found at Williams-Sonoma is not lost on me. This holiday, let's all do ourselves a favor and stay far, far away.

Be sure to check back for guides to Gifts for Kids Who Cook and the best Last-Minute Homemade Gifts. Happy holidays!

Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.