Hooters Rearms Itself In the Battle of the Breastaurants: 4 New Slogan Ideas

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The Hooters at Highway 59 and Kirby has just rearmed itself in the battle of the breastaurants. Presumably in response to the recent opening and immense popularity of Twin Peaks -- located just across the freeway -- as well as other competitors entering the market like Bone Daddy's and Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill, Hooters has extensively remodeled the entire location.

The Houston location is the first store in the entire chain to receive such a reworking, and serves as a model for future remodels across the country. Among the added amenities, according to the press release we received at the Houston Press, were increased seat and booth sizes, and extra padding in the seats. Which gave us an idea for a few new slogans for Hooters while they're at this whole rebranding business.

Possible new slogan: "Here at Hooters, while we recognize that you may have ballooned into a colossal lard-ass, our lovely waitresses are still only big in just the right locations."

The release also told us that Hooters' new environment is perfect for a meal with the family. We're not ones to promote sexuality as a taboo, but a trip to Hooters with mom and dad for a 12-year-old sounds right on par with watching Eyes Wide Shut on Christmas morning. But in this competitive market, restaurants are trying for every last customer, even if that means marketing directly to that niche group happy to bring in their impressionable child to learn all about objectification of females.

Possible new slogan: "Come to Hooters and see where daddy was last week instead of watching your dance recital."

We have to admit, though: The new remodel looked pretty snazzy. Raised wood paneling in a variety of finishes and sleek dark wood accents -- when viewed apart from the signature Hooters bright orange wing sauce splotched here and there -- actually looked very nice.

"Did they change the menu, too, or is it the same old crap?" wondered my friend as he flipped open the menu. "Yup," he found. "Same crap."

Possible new slogan: "Hooters: We care about the food more than you do. But not by much."

Hooters also failed to update one other key item: the uniform. And this may be why Hooters has never really done it for us. The girls wear incredibly silly outfits. If we had a Flashdance fetish, we'd probably be in heaven. Since that isn't the case, the whole 1984-era wind shorts and suntan-colored pantyhose look just isn't our thing.

Possible new slogan: "Hooters: Where every night is like sneaking downstairs to watch USA Up All Night."

See more of Hooters' newly remodeled interior (and those same old wind shorts) in our slideshow.

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